I’m still trying to catch up with rest. Last night I went to bed and the wife asked if I set my alarm. My answer was as stupid as it was doomed:

At 0830 my wife asked if I was going to get up. From there, it was just a blur.

I found it humorous that I would be going to work today and everyone would treat me like I had a week off. Actually, I was looking forward to getting back to work just to get some rest.

The first thing they asked me when I walked in was “Who are you?”

When I got home, I set right to work on answering email and working on getting the PC webpage up. For the rest of the night, I finished up the pictures and answered email from students and fellow instructors. I guess I’m just not ready to let go.

But I’m stuck a little bit here. Those of you that know me know what an incredible smart ass I can be but as an instructor, I know that it wouldn’t be right to point out all the behind-the-scenes calamities that would be ripe for my blog. To compound the problem, I dispersed my webpage address far and wide and there are probably some of the kids that are reading this right now (hi, guys, I miss you).

It’s not that I don’t think they could handle it or that I think they are ignorant of the snafus. I give them credit for being more adult than a lot of adults I know. But it’s too close to the end and professionalism dictates I don’t reveal too much. Maybe in a few years when they become people (inside joke they will get) I will be able to post. But until then, I’ll just focus on the incredible time I had by just being there with them last week.

Some of the things I need to get done:

I’m sure I’ll come up with others but that’s what I could spit out immediately. Plus I got a ton of email I’m attacking.

I was part of the Presidential Classroom Program last week and was busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Therefore, the backlog of life along with trying to capture this incredible week has thrown me back even farther than usual.

My solution is to pick up with my blog right here and go back and catch up with last week as time permits. Stop rolling your eyes, I can do it.

Letterman's Top Ten List for June 17

Letterman's Top Ten List for June 16

Letterman's Top Ten List for June 15

Letterman's Top Ten List for June 14

Friday, June 11, 2004

I watched the funeral of President Reagan today. I thought it was a fitting tribute to a great man and a historic President.

I was interested in seeing all the former Presidents in attendance. Ford and Carter looked really old while George Bush senior still looked Presidential and distinguished. He and Barbara were sitting behind their son and it was incredible to think about the status of that group. The President and his father who was also an American President. Then there's Barbara who is both the wife and the mother of two Presidents. What an incredible life that must be; almost impossible to contemplate.

Then there was Clinton. I tried to not let my personal views color my view of him but he really did look goofy every time the camera hit him. They even caught him sleeping a few times and I couldn’t help but see SNL’s Darrell Hammond doing an imitation of his mannerisms.

I also noted that Ford and Carter were not asked to speak. This makes Clinton’s whining about not being asked look pretty stupid. Yes, George Bush senior spoke but hello, he’s the current President’s father AND was President Reagan’s Vice President.

Margaret Thatcher was looking very old and had to tape record her eulogy a few months ago since she can’t really do a lot of public speaking these days. Her tribute was touching and I thought about the irony of the British lauding an American President when you think about how we split off from them 200 years ago.

The Canadian Prime Minister: how did he get to speak? With all the clout in the Cathedral, it seemed like an odd choice. Mexico didn't get to speak so it wasn't a North American thing. But I will point out that I was impressed with the Canadian's speaking voice. It wasn't just that he didn't end each sentence with "...aye" or anything; his voice had a deep, resonating quality and it was obvious the man knew how to public speak. He was smooth and silk and his voice was very noble.

I also thought about how lucky the casket bearers were. They all were young enlisted who might not have even been born when Reagan first took office. Heck, they might have only been in the Corps a couple of years and somehow, events led to them carrying one of the most historical figures in American history. What an opportunity.

I was surprised that a lot of the speakers talked about Russia as the evil empire. A couple of them made references to it and really bad mouthed the Russian way of doing things and old Gorby was right there.

Along the same lines, they kept on noting how President Reagan turned things around and brought our country out of a dark era, etc. Carter and Ford were right there!!! Talk about awkward.

I spent the rest of the day packing and getting ready for next week. I hate packing but I’ll be in D.C. doing the Presidential Classroom program so I thought putting it off until the day before was long enough. I didn’t want to be up late.

Because I’ll be gone until next Saturday, I took my daughter out to Poncho Villa restaurant for her birthday. It was her choice and despite her choosing a Mexican restaurant, when we got there, she ordered a cheeseburger and fries. We had a great meal and talked about all the stories from their younger years we usually cover at a meal like this.

They had a mariachi band playing and I asked the waiter if he could get them to come over and sing “Happy Birthday” to my 10-year-old daughter. Not only did he set this up, but he brought over a fried ice cream sundae.

You would have thought she was crowned Miss America. She was so proud when they came over and not only did they sing her a birthday song, they did a Spanish version and then repeated the traditional one again. She had a look on her face that means more to me than anything we could have done for her. She absolutely loved the moment and was not embarrassed at all.

I sat there with the biggest grin on my face I’ve had in a long time. It was a treat for me just to see her face light up and I know she’ll remember this for many years to come.

Jay Leno Monologue For Today

Thursday, June 10, 2004

This morning I went to the YMCA with my wife and we decided to get some professional help.

No, not that kind. I simply meant that I wanted to look into getting professional training from an expert. So after going 40 minutes on the elliptical machine (when I felt like doing about zero minutes), I talked to one of the trainers.

For a mere $150 for 5 sessions or $300 for 10, I could get set up on a program. He would start with a full interview, measurement, evaluation, and brain scan. OK, maybe not the brain scan but the idea was to see where I’m at and what my goals are, followed by a tailored program to meet those goals.

It sounded good, if not a little pricey, but I’m tired of working myself to death without knowing if I'm doing it right. I’m hit and miss with routine and diet, getting motivated to do 2 workouts a day and then giving up when I get exhausted. Dieting for a few days and then falling off the plan in the form of fast food and weekend binges.

I know myself well enough that I have to have a solid plan. Tell me what to do, how often, and for how long and I can do it. They set me up with a diet plan, an exercise plan, a rest plan, all tailored to my needs and wants. I get advice about nutrition such as supplements and I told them that I’m running a marathon at the end of October so they will incorporate that training into my plan. I told them my biggest desire of the program was simply to lose weight. If I can do that, my other goals (running, looking and feeling better, more energy) will follow.

So after next week, I’ll start two 6-week programs to get this done and shred myself to my goal running weight: 175. Wish me luck.

Other money-spending ventures I dealt with today was a new watch band. The old one kind of, well, the damn thing stunk. I mean a few too many exercise sessions made the leather strap a bit pungent and I’d been meaning to take care of it for weeks. For $13, I removed the stinky band and replaced it with a leather and nylon version destined one day to be just as smelly. Humans stink, especially ones that move around a lot.

Another thing I looked into was a new MP3 player. My RCA Kazoo is getting a little long in the tooth and is showing its age (about 3 years, I think). It takes a few iterations of inserting new batteries before it will actually work. The battery cover is now busted due to a little argument I had with the battery replacement problem which also involved the floor at work. Finally, it seems to be going through batteries like JLO goes through white garters. So I think it’s time to look for a replacement.

Since I bought the Kazoo, the technology has skyrocketed and I’ve coveted many different possibilities. I want to stay away from the mini-disk because they are basically hard drives which tend not to do too well while running. So that leaves me with flash memory-based models and topping out at about 1 GB. But that should be enough, right?

Costco had the Kazoo replacement now called the Lyra. It comes with a couple of features I like for $89. First, it has 164 MB of onboard memory but with the MMD card I have already, I can boost that up to 192 MB which is 1/3 more than I already have. For my running, that is enough for now. At 32 kb/s sampling, I’m looking at almost 100 songs. At 4 minutes a song, this is over 6 ½ hours of music. Enough for this hombre but it will have to wait until Father’s Day.

It also has an FM tuner so that's something I've never had, good for tuning in the TV sets at the Y. The arm band is rumored to suck but I normally set it on the machine if I'm treadmilling or I wear a butt-pack when I'm on the road.

Letterman's Top Ten List for today

Wednesday, June 9, 2004

Today was an 80s extravaganza. Let me explain.

It turns out I was not needed for the Presidential Funeral procession. No need for an officer, I guess and as things turned out, it worked out better.

Eric, the civilian contractor I work with, planned on taking his family down to D.C. to watch the casket go by so being unashamed about impinging on his plans, I asked if I could tag along. He had no problem with that and we made plans that I would follow him home after work, park at his house, take the Metro to downtown, return via Metro, and I would burn down I95 after rush hour to get home. Sounded like a simple plan, right?

Everything was going as planned up until mid-morning. (Note this is before any of the parts of the plan was implemented other than me driving to work instead of taking the train). Then I got this email:

Jason,

I think we've got one or more tickets to Cosby tonight at Wolftrap. Interested? Lawn.

Chris

Thus began the moral dilemma. Hmmm, dead president rolling by or Cosby. This really bothered me because of the respect I had for President Reagan but I knew I’d be way back in the crowd for a one minute drive by. Seeing Coz was a once in a lifetime opportunity and he’s not getting any younger. But he was the President…

I kind of knew which way I was going to go with this but I asked around to see what others thought.

One person said to go see the coffin but then followed up with the fact that he wasn’t a Cosby fan.

Another person pointed out there’d be other presidents dropping off but how many times will I get a chance to see Coz in concert? I countered with the fact that there’s only one President Reagan and I could still see Coz in concert as long as he was still alive.

It just seemed wrong to even consider NOT going to see the coffin especially in trade to seeing a comedian icon in concert. I thought about the example I would be setting for the high school kids next week when I do the Presidential Classroom program and how I would feel later in life when I remembered I passed up a chance to see history and pay my respects to the greatest President of my time. It was this thought that decided it for me.

When I got back to my office after lunch, I talked to Eric and once again, I reconsidered my plan. I discovered the possibility to do both!!! If Coz didn’t start until 8:00, then I might have time to go to D.C. and make my way over to the Wolftrap in time.

This brazen plan opened up a dozen possible combinations of driving, taking the Metro, and scrounging rides. It also opened a Pandora’s box of advice, mostly from people who were in the know about the commuting labyrinth that is Northern Virginia.

“Go to the airport, park your car, take the Metro to DC by transferring from the orange to the blue line. Then on the way back, take the Metro, transfer to the orange line to go to West Church Falls where you can catch the shuttle to the Wolftrap. Then after the concert, take the shuttle back to West Church Falls, get on the orange back to the airport and drive home. Easy.”

I can get lost in a closet so this was a bit too much for me. After a half dozen other similar possibilities, I settled on an easy one.

I could ride home with Eric and go with him to the Metro, return with him after seeing the procession and then take the Metro to the Wolftrap. After the concert, I could get a ride from there to Quantico (on the way home for the others going) and then drive home.

All I had to do is get that ride from the Wolftrap. I emailed and unfortunately, they had 5 seats in one car and 5 people going. And just like that, the plan fell apart.

My fallback plan was to follow Eric home, take the Metro with him to see the procession, return to his station via the Metro, hop in Truckasaurus, hightail it to the Wolftrap, park, and hope to get there on time. This way I could drive home after the concert without messing with Metro.

It was a good plan but wrought with possible snafus. With the funeral procession in full swing, traffic would be gnarled and the Metro would be a mess. My chance for success was slim, I didn’t quite know how to get anywhere to include the Wolftrap, and the timeline was tight. But I was reaching for the brass ring. It was an advneture and followed my philosophy of doing stuff for the simple reason that they shouldn't be able to be done.

The first setback was when Eric’s meeting lasted 15 minutes longer than expected so we were delayed leaving the base. Not crushing but it added to the stress. I stayed calm and didn’t get my panties in a bunch over it. The night would be filled with possible time crunchers so I had to stay calm.

We got to his house, met up with his family, and headed to the Metro. I was glad to have someone with me that knew how to use the system because I had used it only once when we visited here looking for a house last year.

I bought my ticket and we all got on the yellow train to head to D.C. It took about ½ hour and when we got there, we made our way to Constitution Avenue but couldn’t get all that close due to the crowd. We had a few windows between people to see so we waited with everyone else.

I’ll admit, I can be irreverent at time. I had a small conversation with Eric, wondering how they preserved a body. I wondered aloud if it was cooled inside the coffin or even if they threw in some dry ice or something. He pointed out the embalming process ensures he won’t start decaying. It was a morbid thought but I really had never thought about it. Upon further contemplation, it would make sense that the embalming process (something I knew they did) would “dry freeze” a body and thus prevent decay. I guess in my freethinking, I just didn’t consider the lunacy of just throwing a dead body in a hot casket and leaving it at that. Duh!

Along the route they had Sailors standing at Parade Rest. The whole road was lined with military personnel facing inward. They all had formal uniforms and it was stifling hot. For this reason, I was glad that I was there in shorts and saw why it would have been a sacrifice, albeit a small one considering who it was for, to be out there in Dress Blues. It would have been an honor but a hot honor. Looking back, I still wouldn’t have hesitated stepping up for the duty if asked.

As I stood there, I thought about what President Reagan meant to me and why I was there. President Reagan has always stood out in my mind as the ultimate Presidential example. Some called him aloof but he was smart enough to delegate instead of tearing himself apart trying to solve all the problems himself. He truly loved America and the people inside it but you didn't want to mess with him. The day he took office, Iran released the hostages. Why? Because they knew Reagan wouldn't hesitate to open a whole lotta hurt on them. When you can win a fight without actually fighting, well, that's the best way to go and says a lot about the man in charge.

When the shuttle blew up, you could see he was deeply hurt and he represented what America was feeling. The speech he gave after that is likely the very best written and delivered speech I ever heard.

And when he was shot, he walked into the hospital with just a twitch in his shoulder, even though it missed killing him by centimeters. Everything about him was larger than life and I truly regret never getting to meet him. He was on my list of who I would want to have a dinner with.

Craning my neck, I tried to see the procession coming. I really didn’t know what to expect but I soon got my answer. First came the motorcycle policemen. After them, came a parade of all the service schools. West Point, Naval Academy, Air Force, and even the Coast Guard. A few of them I didn’t even recognize. Then came the bands including the President’s Own (Marine Band) and finally, platoons of active duty military from every branch marching in formation. It was gorgeous.

Somewhere in there was the limos who I suspect contained Nancy Reagan. They were limos so you couldn’t tell who was in them but it’s not like she was expected to wave to the crowd under the circumstances.

Finally, I heard the hoof clops of the horses coming and I caught the first hint of the bright colors of the American flag in the distance. The coffin, draped in the flag, was on a caisson and was pulled by horses.

The crowd fell silent.

Hats came off.

The only sound was the hoof steps of the horses and cameras clicking.

Something unexpected happened to me at this point. Like many others, I was holding up my camera trying to get as many shots as I could and was torn between getting the shots and not wanting to miss the moment. Quite suddenly, I felt a lump jump to my throat and my eyes instantly teared up.

I realized I was weeping before I knew it would happen. I respected the President and I felt honored to be there at that moment but I never imagined I would have an emotional response like I did.

I knew I was seeing a part of history but at that moment, I felt the human aspect. This man was the most powerful man in the world at one time but for all his accomplishments and revered status, he was a man. A human. Someone who answers the call of Death just like everyone must. He had one life and now it was over. Forever.

I realized that despite his place in history, he would trade places with insignificant me at this point because I was alive and he wasn’t.

The moment passed and I was left there on the side of the road with these thoughts.

A part of me wanted to stand there and contemplate what all this meant but another part of me knew I had a tight schedule. A moment of guilt washed over me but then I thought the President would want me to enjoy my life and take advantage of opportunities as they presented themselves. I know I would in his shoes, if I could be as bold as to put myself in his shoes.

But Eric wanted to hang around because there was supposed to be a flyover. I’m glad we stayed because it was spectacular. They had about 4 sets of planes performing the missing man formation where they have a lead plane, two planes staggered back on one side and only one on the other. They came swooping by as I madly tried to get some pictures of it.

The last set was coming in low and right as they passed over, the lead plane pulled his throttle back and shot straight up in the air. I didn’t expect this and instantly, my arm shot up, pointing at it and I yelled “Look!!!” My scream was instantly followed by the roar of his engines as the full brunt of his engines pointed downward. The effect was pretty cool and my it gave my outburst and pointing a dramatic effect.

After this was over, it was time to fight the crowd. We made it to the tunnel entrance but the crowd was stopped by the police right when we made our way to the entrance. The platform was crammed and they were trying to control the flow.

We finally got down there and were crammed into a tight bunch. The first train that came was already packed. Only a few people were able to cram on and it looked like a Tokyo subway. Eric’s daughter got on but we didn’t and were left to wait for the next train. It was hot and frustrating.

The next train came and we were unlucky. Even though we were at the front, the doors were not in front of us when the train stopped. So we had to fight to get to a door but were not in luck. We missed that one too. My time was draining away. If I didn’t have a place to be, I wouldn’t have worried but didn’t these people know I was trying to get to Coz? I could have been needing a heart transplant and it wouldn’t have mattered.

We crammed onto the next train and I was mashed up to a woman, closer than is normally socially acceptable. I assured her I had taken two showers today (once in the morning and once after the noon workout). We both were smashed up next to a rather rotund gentleman (referred to from now on as Fat Bastard) who seemed to have triple the sweat glands of a normal person. He kept apologizing to her because he too was forced to touch her multiple times in multiple places normally earning one a slap in the face.

In this situation, it didn’t matter. There wasn’t anything very sexual as being crammed in a subway next to a lot of sweating people. It was socially awkward to be touching 5 people at once and being face to face, almost nose to nose, with a stranger but nothing sensual about it. I passed the time by playing tag with Eric’s young daughter. Playing tag when you can’t move isn’t very challenging, hence the humor. My suggestion to play hide-and-seek was another stab at ironic humor. The girl was 15. Just kidding, she was about 6.

We got off the train and Eric drew me a map to get to the Wolftrap. Understand that I’m the world’s worst navigator and it had to be at Barney-level. Even that wasn’t a guarantee. I was exceedingly successful of missing a turn “you can’t miss.”

But because Eric is a master at map-drawing for idiots, I found my way and was speeding down the beltway at ticket-incurring speeds. I had about 15 minutes to make a ½ ride and was doing my best to warp the fabric of space and time. To tell the truth, I was surprised I was doing as well as I was. I thought I’d miss half the concert but I made it about 15 minutes late.

I got to the parking lot, called Chris who told me he’d meet me at the gate, caught the golf cart shuttle to the entrance, and felt the need to explain my unlikely success of seeing the procession and making it to the see Coz to the other passengers. They politely smiled. I think I scared them a bit.

I got my ticket at Will Call and was in. I made it and had only missed the very beginning. Impossible but I did it!!

In the background, I heard the familiar voice of Bill Cosby and the resulting crowd laughter. It was weird to hear such a familiar voice live and as I made my way to our “seats” I saw we were way back on the sidewalk. But it didn’t matter; this was Bill Cosby and to just hear him was enough.

The set up was simple; he was on stage sitting on a chair and holding a microphone. He had two large screens behind him but at the angle we were at, we could only see the lower half of the screens. He was wearing sweat pants and a tee-shirt and the thought occurred to me that if you get that famous, you don’t have to get dressed up for anything.

I love Bill Cosby. As a kid, I remember my father having some of his vinyl records and my brother and I would listen to them (along with Cheech and Chong but that’s another story). As I listened, I started making a mental list of what he had done. The Mod Squad, the voices for Fat Albert & the Gang, Sesame Street, a bunch of movies in the 70s, The Cosby Show, Kids Say the Funniest Things. I was astonished at how famous this man was and here I was, able to listen to him.

Most of his material was about parenthood and his childhood. I think that anyone else giving the same performance would not be well received because while it was funny, it was Cosby-funny and not stand up comedian hilarious. He was funny because he’s a famous funny person; an icon. He tended to ramble on a little and get lost in a story or get off track and never come back to the original storyline. He also tended to misspeak just a little in his stories, substituting words or phrases that didn’t make sense in the place of what he meant. But we all knew what he meant.

I got the feeling at certain points that it was like listening to your grandfather, except funnier. He was funny, no doubt, but there were long periods between laughs sometimes when he would stray a bit and it seemed he was pulling in stuff as it came to him. It was a combination of a long conversation and established comedy bits. I realized why some people make fun of his style when you see people imitating him. I could see where he could ad-lib his way into a drawn out comedy bit and prevent anyone from stopping him. How could you interrupt The Coz because he’s rambling? You couldn’t.

I was famished. I didn’t eat dinner and Chris offered me two beers that I downed without much effort. Then I was left in the heat with no food in my system and two beers under my belt. I knew I’d sweat the alcohol out before I had to drive home but I was worried about losing too much water through sweat and the heat wasn’t helping either. I had to get something to eat.

Concession stands at a concert: not exactly the combination that screams “great deals.” In other words, they had me by the short hairs and they knew it. But I had to eat so I ordered up a hotdog and a bag of chips. Handing over my $5 I felt unfocused anger. Yes I’m a cheapskate but I what angers me more is charging exorbitant amounts not based on cost to the provider but on the situation of the consumer. Blood sucking bastards.

I felt better after I ate and enjoyed the rest of the concert despite the spike in humidity as the night wore on. I was ready to go by the time it ended and when it did, it came without warning. Coz did what seemed to be a popular bit where he explains a visit to the dentist. He gets a shot of Novocain and when his mouth is numb, he very humorously explains his slurred conversation with the dentist. I had never heard this before and it was an incredible talent to talk like he did. I guess it’s one of his more famous bits and I was duly impressed. I thought he might do some Fat Albert voices but that was just wishful thinking from my childhood.

When he was done, he just ended, thanked the crowd, an unceremoniously walked off. It was a bit weird and for a second, I wondered if he was going to do the old encore bit. But the lights came up and I thought that it was classic Coz. Leave them laughing and not play the game like all others.

I smiled all the way home. Two icons of the 80s in one day. Sometimes I have to sit back and wonder how I can continue to be so blessed.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

“That can’t be Venus because Venus doesn’t pass between the Earth and the moon.”

Now before you start, I knew it was the sun I was looking at and this is what makes my next act so astonishingly thick. I internally accepted that colossal imbecile of a thought and instantly let it flutter out of my mind. I never gave it another thought. Until lunch.

I was in the gym and happened to notice the news on one of the screens showing a close up of the sun with a little black dot on it. The first thing that came to mind was that it was indeed Venus and I had correctly pieced together the bits of news concerning this celestial event.

Then it hit me. I suddenly became aware of the mental chain of events of the morning.

I don’t know what is more frightening to me. It’s bad enough that I actually looked up and said “That can’t be Venus because Venus doesn’t pass between the Earth and the moon” but then I accepted that as a plausible explanation and actually moved on!!! Forget that I had a mental cramp concerning the difference between the sun and the moon; a thought that should earn me the title of moronic idiot alone. But then lop on top of that the ACCEPTANCE of that hideously flawed logic, without a second thought to the contrary. Yeah, sure, that can’t be Venus. Do you know how close Venus would have to get to be between us and the moon?

I swear I’m not making this up. As I analyzed the mental script of the morning, I caught just the faintest glimmer of another thought. For just a second, a second, mind you, I actually had to check my mental map to make sure Venus could indeed NOT pass between the Earth and the moon. It obviously took just a fraction of a second to dismiss the ridiculous thought but the fact that I even had to check makes me shiver.

But in my defense, I will point out that indeed, Venus does NOT pass between the Earth and the moon. THAT is a true statement.

But even MSN got it right.

Free Advice for Today:

“Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Letterman's Top Ten List for today

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Monday, June 7, 2004

For President Ronald Wilson Reagan 1911 - 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem.”

- PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN, 1985

Today I found out I might be involved in President Reagan’s funeral event.

One of the Sergeants that work near me came in while I was on the phone and slipped me a piece of paper that said he had been tasked to provide security for the event. My response, written while I was still on the phone, was “Holy shit!!!”

I had asked him earlier in the day if he had been tapped for it yet since his Marines always get these kind of taskers. The last thing they did was the WWII Memorial dedication ceremony. He might think I have some super power now.

After I talked to him about it, I called up the Master Gunnery Sergeant who had tasked him with the duty and asked her if there were any slots for Officers. She said she had been given only three requirements for enlisted but gave me the name of a Major in the G1 shop. I have a bad history with dealing with Majors but this was too important to pass up so I called him.

I asked him if he could use me for the ceremony and he sounded surprised. “Are you volunteering?” he asked. I told him I was and he said they had not received any requests for Officers but they might and he would call me as soon as he knew. Toward the end of the conversation, he thanked me for volunteering and acted like I was doing him a favor.

It was my turn to be surprised. I would have thought people would be crawling out of the woodwork to get into this. I consider it an indescribable honor to participate in a presidential funeral event, not to mention my first Commander in Chief. The respect I hold for President Reagan runs very deep. Yes, it would be an opportunity to take part in a historical event but more importantly, I would be able to pay my respects to a great American who I hold in the highest regard.

The other item I wanted to post today is a response to an email I received. A father had written and told me his son was an amateur programmer who had started a degree in computer science. His son has aspirations to become a Marine Officer and his father asked me if he had any advice.

I would say just keep working toward the computer science degree. It sounds like he is a very talented person and a gentleman scholar is what the Corps wants in her Officers.

Different people will support different foci when it comes to what an Officer should study. The liberal arts advocates state that their kinds of degrees work better for theory and human interaction. I always thought that a technical degree was better because it teaches the person how to think and solve problems (the staple of a Marine, or any Officer for that matter). This is supported by the requirement of all NROTC midshipmen to take calculus and other science courses, even if they major in liberal arts. I think I delved into both with a technical communication undergraduate degree and IT masters. Both of these combine the technical aspects with the non-technical interaction aspects.

I love the geek stuff but am schooled in the business and psychology aspects of dealing with people. So if he goes technical, I would advise to take some business and psychology classes as electives. A brainiac that can’t communicate will not get very far and a communicator without technical skills will join him at the bottom of the professional barrel.

Free Advice for Today:

“Eat a piece of chocolate to cure bad breath from onions or garlic."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Letterman's Top Ten List for today

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Sunday, June 6, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce 'You're one of THEM!' and move to the far corner of the elevator.”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

I mowed the lawn today. This brings the price per mow down to $233.33. We’ll get down to reasonable some day.

Other than that, it was another weekend of good old fashioned nothingness. I never even had to shower. OK, maybe too much information but the whole not shaving or showering thing is an indicator that I got to hang around the house all weekend with no obligations.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was my daughter’s first piano recital. It was a small affair and I did climb into decent clothes and wet down my sleep-ravaged hair for the event. I’m not an animal after all!!!

The recital was a classic kids’ piano recital affair, complete with intense interest in only your own child’s performance. Carrie made me leave my headphones at home.

Stephanie was the second to go on and each kid only played two short songs. For most of them, this was the first time they ever performed in public and you could have sliced the tension in the air with a butter knife. She did just fine playing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” (which, I learned, is actually titled “Eency, Weency Spider”) and another song I wasn’t familiar with. What I mean is I don’t know the name. The tune, I know. Practice makes perfect and our piano shares the room with my computer so I get free concerts almost every day, about 5 feet behind me.

All of the kids did a pretty good job. For $18 a week for ½ lessons, they should be playing freakin’ Mozart but that’s just my crabbiness talking.

My little girl did just fine but we have to work on her stage presence. I’ve seen autopsies on the Discovery Channel done with more facial expression than my little girl played the piano. I know she was nervous but even after it was done, she had the look on her face like she had just watched Schindler’s List.

Back to today, I spent most of it catching up on my webpage and watching helplessly as my email inbox grew to 72 unanswered emails. Have faith, all of you that have written. I get caught up a couple of times each year.

Free Advice for Today:

“Avoid using the work 'impacted' unless you are describing wisdom teeth."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Saturday, June 5, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side.”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

I’m a Harry Potter fan and not afraid to admit it.

Not only am I reading the 4th book (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) but this morning I took my family to the 10:30 AM showing of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Maybe the scariest part of that sentence is that Word had no problem with the spelling of “Azkaban.”

I won’t spoil anything for you here (another statement that will make some of you chuckle and say “As if..”), but I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I think the writing is classic, good storytelling and the movies stay really close and do justice to the books.

I noted how much older the actors are looking. Harry is looking older but still Harry Potterish but Ron and Malfoy look dramatically different as they plunge headlong through puberty. And it was my wife who turned toward me in the middle of the movie to state “Hermione has boobies.” So yes, beware, Hermione does indeed have boobies now. Thank you Carrie.

Later we watched “Interview With a Vampire” on DVD. I recently finished listening to it on tape and despite seeing it years ago, it was fun to watch it for the details outlined in the book.

Unlike the Harry Potter series, the film version of this movie was dramatically different than the book. I thought this was odd since Ann Rice, the author of the book, also wrote the screenplay. I kept having to pause the movie and explain to Carrie where the departure from the book occurred and explain the reasoning for some of the plot lines. I actually got tired of the introductory phrase “In the book…” coming out of my own mouth.

One thing I did enjoy is seeing is Kirsten Dunst. I know she’s this hot young movie starlet now but for forever and a day, no matter how sexy she becomes, she will always be cute little Claudia in my eyes. I guess it’s like the father of a gorgeous woman: he just sees his little girl rather than a sensual woman. Every time I see her on TV, I always think of her as Claudia.

She did such a good job in this and really seemed like a woman in a girl’s body. It made me wonder how they explained to such a young girl the deep and dark concepts she was acting out.

And she did not have any boobies yet, Carrie.

Free Advice for Today:

“Remember that almost everything looks better after a good night's sleep."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Friday, June 4, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator descends.”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

Just another average Friday so nothing much to write about. Went to work, worked, lost power a few times, got stuck in traffic coming home, and relaxed for the evening.

So to make up for having nothing to write, here is a great article with a good point.

Done with school? Jenna and Barbara Bush should enlist
Guest Column

Bill Earls - opinion@vg.pdx.edu
May 28, 2004

If President Bush is serious about the war on terror and respects the men and women in the military, he could do something no president in decades has done:

He could suggest that his twin daughters enlist.

Why not? For the last four years, the Bush twins Jenna and Barbara have enjoyed the life that children of affluence accept as their due: education at a good college. On Monday, Barbara graduated from Yale. Jenna graduated on Saturday from the University of Texas. Grad school is not immediate, and certainly they have more options than most people their age.

The military might be an option - and a good idea.

For one thing, they could continue a family tradition. Their grandfather, the first President Bush, enlisted in the Navy after high school and flew planes into combat in World War II. Their father also served; if not in a combat zone, at least he flew airplanes. Neither Bush daughter would have to become a pilot. Instead, the military could use the two liberal arts educations in intelligence, administration or operations.

A Bush enlistment would emphasize that this war needs men and women from every stratum of society, including the affluent.

Many people think that the military is an option mostly for blue-collar and lower-middle classes. They point to large numbers of minority recruits, a disproportionate number from poorer states and counties. One reason for the publicity surrounding the death of former National Football League player Pat Tillman, killed as an Army Ranger in Afghanistan in April, was that he gave up a lucrative career to serve - which is very unusual in 2004.

It wasn't always so. In World War II, affluent young men signed up by the thousands. President Franklin D. Roosevelt's sons enlisted, as did the sons of senators, congressmen and ambassadors. Were the Bush twins to enlist, it would do more for troop morale and recruitment than all the TV "Army of One" advertisements.

Enlisting might permit the Bush twins some personal growth. One problem with privilege is that people born into it often think that the whole world operates by the same rules as their household or school: food will always be in the refrigerator, the car will always start, everyone gets interesting vacations, and most people are polite and deferential and want to do things for you. Not a bad way to grow up, but most of the world doesn't work that way.

And neither does the military. If Barbara and Jenna Bush would enlist, they would learn about a different world, one in which reveille goes off at 4 in the morning, and people dumber than you (or, in some cases, smarter) demand that you do push-ups, stand in line, shine your shoes. Someone has to stand fire watches, dish out mashed potatoes, clean heads, give up weekends, and there is nothing like doing it for a few months or years to make you appreciate what you have and the other men and women who do it.

Affluence breeds a form of insularity. Yale and the University of Texas, which advertise their diversity, are limited to people who can attend Yale and the University of Texas. There are lots of children of affluence in both places but not many Alabamans, Puerto Ricans, cowboys, children of mail carriers and cops. The military, as perhaps the most inclusive institution in the nation, has all of those. Being around that mix of people is, in its own way, an education as valuable as Yale ever provided.

Finally, if the Bush twins enlist, they will earn GI Bill money. In two or three or four years, when they apply to grad school, the federal government will pay for it.

By then, they'll be older, smarter, have a better sense of what they want to do with their lives - and they'll make better teachers, lawyers or whatever because of it.

I can imagine President Bush saying, "Sign up."

Bill Earls of Middletown, Conn., left Holy Cross College after a semester to serve in the Navy from 1961 to 1965, and he later used the GI Bill to earn bachelor's and master's degrees.

Free Advice for Today:

“Don't be so concerned with your rights that you forget your manners."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Thursday, June 3, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually pushing buttons.”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

Hootie-Day!!!

This morning started off bad. In an effort to whip myself into shape, I decided to do 2-a-days all week. Well, "all week" is a matter of definition since the week started on Tuesday so I’ve been at this for two days before it fell apart.

Tuesday went OK with plenty of energy. I ran 4 miles in the morning and then the Rep Reebok workout at lunch. Wednesday morning was rough but I got up and ran the 4 miles but the spin work out crapped out after ½ hour and I quit, finishing up with some ab work.

That brings us to this morning where I made it up early and into work for the run but at the 2 mile mark, I lost all energy. I got out there and was sweating too much for the work I was doing and I just felt dizzy and completely without any energy. I had to walk most of the way back just because every time I ran, I almost fainted.

On the long walk of shame, I thought about the can of fruit cocktail in my desk drawer and it became evident that my blood sugar was low because all I could think about was getting to that can and sucking it down like the nectar of life.

This desire morphed somehow into a need to have a huge breakfast out in town. I knew I could sneak off and get a big old nasty breakfast in the town. This kept me going until I got back to work.

I tried to talk my way out of it and told myself to eat the fruit cocktail and then I’d see where I was at.

Luckily, a cooler head prevailed and I didn’t go. OK, maybe it was just being too lazy to walk over to the town but the end result is that I didn’t gorge myself. I knew I was going to a concert tonight and would be eating a less-than-healthy dinner so resisting the breakfast was a victory.

Carrie showed up at about 5:00 PM and we followed Eric to his house in Alexandria. It was further north than I thought but I was amazed at the lack of traffic going north. Rush hour flows out of the city in the afternoon so heading south gives Eric a clean shot every afternoon. He gets the same treatment in the morning when he’s heading south when everyone and their dog are going north into D.C. Lucky bastard.

I thought to myself that I’d be in a great mood everyday just by virtue of seeing the gridlock across the way as I happily zoomed down my sparsely populated lanes. OK, that’s enough fantasy.

We got to Eric’s house, met his family, and then climbed into their vehicle to go to the concert, making a close pass to the Pentagon and particularly the side that got munched in the terrorist attacks. I’ve still never been in there and want to go just to say I was there. I bet they'd just love that explanation:

"State your business at the Pentagon, Sir."

"Just cuz."

We got to the Wolf Trap and it was wonderful. The venue only holds about 7000 people so there really isn’t a bad seat in the house. In fact, we didn’t even have a seat; we were seated out on the lawn. Near the stage they have seats under an overhang but further out is the lawn which is a sloping meadow of grass. It forms a natural bowl so you have an unobstructed, tiered view of the stage.

We brought blankets and food. The park is very laid back and don’t even check your bags, probably because they don’t care if you bring food. That was obvious when you see that almost everyone had a spread blanket and picnic goodies.

Our group had three couples but the other couple had not shown up yet. Eric and his wife brought sub sandwich makings and we brought chips and potato salad. I’d rather eat dirt than potato salad so Carrie got me some good old coleslaw from KFC. Yes, I’m spoiled, now that you mention it.

The other couple was supposed to bring the wine and the beer but they forgot their tickets and didn’t get in until right before the concert so we ate without them, bought a couple of beers, and were satisfied with those and some sodas we brought. Nothing was going to bring this night down!

We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect night. The weather has been stormy the last few days and it seemed that the sky cleared up just for this event. We had blue skies and mild temperatures (just ask Alex). Even the bugs were kept at bay for some reason we could only guess at: we were in the middle of a sea of people so they must be attacking the outer perimeter. Plus, blankets covered almost every square inch of grass. Who knows, I’m just glad that everything was working out.

I wondered what kind of crowd would be drawn to Hootie and the Blowfish in 2004. I got my answer when I saw everything from a toddler to grandparents milling around; and everything in between. This was not going to be a rowdy crowd; no mosh pits, and I was glad to be among “normal” people. The running joke I kept getting from people who learned I was going to a Hootie concert involved marijuana and a urinalysis. But after seeing the crowd, I thought that IF I smelled any of the weed, it was probably for a case of glaucoma.

The opening band was called “Cowboy Mouth.” I tried not to think too hard about what that meant but the unique thing about them was that the drummer was the lead singer. He played high energy and the songs weren’t bad. He kept trying to get the crowd to their feet, most notably by yelling “Get off your ass you lazy bastards” slowly. He did this a few times but I was happy where my ass was, as were a lot of other people. At one point he said it as he was starting the song and when he got minimal response, they mockingly acted like they refused to play the song and instead played a guitar solo of Happy Trails. I thought this mighty ballsy since they were, you know, the warm up band. If they walked off the stage, well, we all could more easily talk amongst ourselves until Hootie came out. So easy with the threats, Cowboy Mouth drummer lead singer guy.

The excitement was mounting as show time neared. Hootie and the Blowfish are the only band I’ve ever seen in concert twice. The last time was in 1995 when I was going to college in Seattle and they only had their “Cracked Rear View” album out. But they were at their peak and mega-popular at the time.

Another factoid that you should know is that the lead singer is named Darius Rucker, not “Hootie.” He is not “Hootie” and his band is not “The Blowfish.” As misleading as this is, I guess he’s a little sensitive about this common mistake. Dude, you are the lead singer. You have a band behind you. You call yourself "Hootie and the Blowfish." And now you get offended if people call you Hootie?

When they came out, they jumped right into it by singing “Time.” They have about 4 mega-famous songs and the rest I know because I have both of their most famous CDs (Cracked Rear View and Fair Weather Johnson) on MP3 and in constant rotation on my computer. The funny thing is that because all their songs from these two CDs are so familiar to me, I couldn’t quite remember which ones were the commercially famous ones and which were just familiar because I hear them at least every third day of my life.

What came next was unexpected and a theme that repeated throughout the concert. They played a lot of country. I know, I know, it’s weird but they did. Basically, they played famous Hootie songs, a few new ones, and a lot of cover songs. They have a new CD out but it’s their “Best Of” with only one new song so they had to fill in with a lot of covers which was fine with me because Darius has an incredible voice and could make “Happy Birthday” sound great.

Of course they got to “Let Her Cry” and “I Only Want To Be With You” but they were saving “Hold My Hand” as the finale.

Meanwhile, they played some strange covers. “Walk this Way” (the Run DMC version) and “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” by the Georgia Satelites came out of nowhere but what might be the strangest choice was a bit of Snoop Dog. Yes, they had their mind on their money and their money on their mind. Either that or some honky tonk songs I was not familiar with but I think came from the 70s country and western icons.

Another great addition was “Blackwater” by the Doobie Brother. With its infectious chorus (I'd like to hear some funky Dixieland, pretty mama come and take me by the hand, by the hand, hand, take me by the hand pretty mama, come and dance with your daddy all night long…) we all sang it until we nearly fainted for lack of breath.

The pungent odor of pot did waft through at one point. Blaze on, old stoner dude. Rage against the machine and de-glaucomatize those bloodshot eyes.

I’ve been to a lot of concerts and the one thing that bugs the crap out of me is the fake ending. I mean, come on, do we have to play this little game? Are established artist like Hootie and the Blowfish still so insecure that they have to fake the end of the concert so the fans will “demand” a return and encore? This is so silly to me and I find it embarrassing that we have to go through this little stupidity when we all know they are coming back.

They hadn’t even played “Hold My Hand” and everyone knew they were going to sing it. They wouldn’t have made it out of the parking lot if they tried to get away without singing their most famous song.

So they come back (ooh, big surprise) and start playing. The lights didn’t even come up so they didn’t even halfway sell it.

I really enjoyed the concert and hesitate to write anything negative about it. Yes, there was a lot of cover songs but they were done well and were quite enjoyable. Yes, they did the old fake ending thing but that’s not enough to even bitch about. So understand that I think it was a great concert and have absolutely no regrets. But I will point out a small flaw.

“Hold My Hand” is a slow, soulful song about the love of a man to a woman. It’s a touching song and simple enough to sing along. So it was a bit of a let down when they sped it up and played a funkier version of it. I think I complained a bit about this at the last concert (or somewhere on my website) and explained that the artists must get tired of singing the same songs in the same ways over and over. But this was their best song and I would have loved to hear the slow, emotional version rather than the sped up version done in finale fashion.

Like I said, I know these songs by heart and can sing along to any of them. But I know the CD version and when the artists slide around the lyrics and change up the beat in concert, my “singing” is off and I found that I wasn’t matching Darius’s tempo.

All their other songs were done well and they stuck to the established versions, probably more than any other concert I’ve been to and that’s why I have no complaints. If they altered just one out of the many I enjoyed, I’ll call it a success.

After the concert ended, we herded back to Eric’s house and climbed in the Saturn for the return trip home. We finally got home about 12:30 AM and I went to bed feeling better than I had in a long time. A great night at a great concert listening and singing along to great songs with the woman I love.

Here is my old Hottie and the Blowfish concert reveiw from 1995.

(I just went back and read the old reveiw. I was amazed that I made the exact same complaint about the same song at the same part of the concert; the last song. Well, I'm consistent if anything.)

Free Advice for Today:

“A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Wednesday, June 2, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

I got an email today that said there was an upgrade for a free program I use to back up all my files every night. If you recall (which you won’t so I’ll give you a link) I bought an external drive which came with some lame-ass software that didn’t work so I sought after and found a free program. I notice I never posted what it was or where to get it so here it is and I’ll throw it on my freebie page.

Anyway, I got the email and found myself in a pickle. Not really in a salt-brine mixture full of cucumbers, it’s a figure of speech. You see, the program I use works. And it works just fine. So there seems to be no need to “upgrade” under the old “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” concept. Other than questionable proper English involving the contraction of “is” and “not,” the saying has a point. But it bothers me that there’s a “better” version out there and I’m not using it. If I download it, it might not install over the other one thus erasing my settings. Also, it might not work.

But two things I know for sure though:

1. It will cost me a lot of time and maybe (probably) frustration
2. It will give me no improvement since it’s transparent to me right now (I run it at night automatically).

So I have to ignore my desire to have the latest and greatest and just be satisfied with the current version. This is about as easy as hitting that first commercial break of The Daily Show and NOT shoot up to the kitchen to partake in a little snack-o-rama.

Free Advice for Today:

“Put the strap around your neck before looking through binoculars."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Quote of the Day:

“Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh and say 'oops!'”

- 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

You might remember my letter I wrote to Friendly’s Restaurant ountlined in my May 16th blog. Well, although I didn’t get an email back from them, I did get this:

It also came with a $15 gift card and at first glance, I thought I got satisfaction. After all, I got an apology and a free meal, right? Well, sort of. The card pays for the meal alright but the experience sucked and nothing will change that. So they paid for a meal that had a bad atmosphere attached to it. I count that as a wasted morning that was paid for. It’s as though they’re saying “The bad experience is on us.”

Now I understand this is better than having the bad experience AND having to pay for it but if the company really wanted to make things right, they would have reimbursed for the meal and then given me another meal, thus saying “We’ll pay for that bad one but come have an enjoyable meal on us like we normally provide.”

Not only is this NOT going to happen, I have to redeem their apology by going back to their establishment (although I'll obviously go to another franchise). so I don;t even get the money back, I have to sit through another potentially bad experience.

Oh well, what did I expect?

Free Advice for Today:

“Wear safety glasses when operating a Weed Eater or power saw."

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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