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English Class Disaster

Thursday, June 10th, 1993

Quote of the Day: “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”

- Will Rogers

(I transposed a journal I wrote in 1993 when I was going through a prep course for the Officer Commissioning Program I completed. This journal was an ongoing assignment during the 10 week prep course at MCRD San Diego before I attended college.)

Today, like so many of my days here, started off early. The first week here at MECEP has been hectic but today was a bad one. Funny, Tuesdays and Thursdays are the “easy” days.

I felt I had a handle on the day and was taking it day by day, which I have learned is the only way to keep my sanity. I set aside today for study and study I did.

I had to call Carrie today. No need save I wanted, needed, and longed to speak to her. I talk, she listens. I felt better but discovered that I talked so much that I have few memories of her part of the conversation.

English class was a disaster. I made an honest error about the reading assignment and paid dearly. The distasteful view of me in his eyes could not compare to my inner eye. I was shaken deeply as I tried to sit through the class. I had two feelings battling inside – self-loathing and the attempt to go on and put it behind me. I can’t seem to shake the background cloud that pokes at the back of my head. As a positive outcome, I will be more careful. I will start repairing my confidence.

We studied hard tonight. I was lost and realized I was going it alone. Fool! I got with my friends and we all grew old together. Tomorrow is our first calculus test and I feel both good and bad. I’m almost afraid to feel like I’ve done “enough” or “all I am able at this time” because we can all push further if need be. It is just that the need usually hasn’t been because before now, little effort was needed to surpass the status quo. Too bad the status quo was a bag of shit.

Now I must collapse and put away another day. Like PEZ, tomorrow will pop right up in its place. Will I do better? Will I dig in there and find what I need?

Free Advice for Today: “Each year, take a first-day-of-school photograph of your children.”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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