Quote of the Day: “Work in the kitchen whenever you can…many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.”
I have complained a lot about living in the hickiest fucking place imaginable. Now I got proof.
You’re going to think I made this up but I didn’t. They are having a fair here and the theme? “Go Hog Wild!”
I swear, it’ that bad. No, in fact, it’s worse.
Cue the banjo…….
We’ll start with Billy Currington. He seems to be the headliner and I’ve never heard of him. I don’t even want to research it. But the pic kind of says it all.
It gets worse. Here is the line up:
A band called (my God, can this be real?): Povertyneck Hillbillies.
And once your hankerin’ for that is all took care of, wander over to see the Truck and Tractor Pull. Still can’t get enough? We gots a Mud Bog!
Still not enough, we gotcha covered: Garden Tractor Pull.
Oh, and don’t miss the PWTest of them all, the Demolition Derby.
Now let’s turn to the talent. We already covered Billy Bob above but alas, there’s more. We got the Hambone Express (pig races)—three shows daily, I shit you not.
There’s a mandatory Civil War Display of course and yes, that’s a major headliner for this travesty.
But I’ve saved the best for last. You might want to shield the children’s eyes for this one.
There is a magic show, folks. Come see the Magic of Virgil!!!
As horrendous a name “Virgil” is for a magician, it does not even compare to the pic they have for it. Folks, this is the quintessential mullet-sporting talent around these parts.
I just can’t get over this pic. Is it how Virgil looks or the pose he’s going for. Or is it the pose of the woman. I’m just hypnotized by this but not in the way a magician should evoke.
I think Virgil is scared. I think Virgil is thinking about pulling a rabbit out of the hat. I think Virgil has a lot to tell mommy when he gets home. I think Virgil will be scrubbing his hands late at night, crying.
If you can tear yourself away from Virgil and his dead sexy assistant, you have the option of going to see….
THE BULL RUN CLOGGERS!!!!!
Now settle down folks, there will be room for everyone!!!
Please help me, I’m trapped in Hee Haw.
(and just in case you still have an inkling that this is a late night Mexican dinner-induced Hellscape of a nightmare, here is the link. No folks, it’s the real deal.)
Last thought: You gotta be shittin’ me 20 ways till Sunday!!!
Free Advice for Today: “To find out who is behind an idea or activity, follow the money.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.