How Did I Get Here?

Quote of the Day: “ETHERNET (N): SOMETHING USED TO CATCH THE ETHERBUNNY.”

I went on one ride.

One.

“The Hurler” which should have been “The Rattler.”

Today was the last weekend that King’s Dominion is open for the season and somehow Carrie and the kids talked me into going with them and the Sbragias. The weather has taken a turn for the better so I thought, what the hell, I haven’t had my fillings shaken out of my teeth for awhile.

The lines were incredible. And by “incredible” I mean stupidly long. But it’s for the kids, right? Because for the parents it’s more like either standing for an hour to go on a 30 second ride or sitting for an hour waiting for them to do it. It occurred to me that this would be a foolish endeavor if kids weren’t involved. Who would go in the middle of the Virginia woods, walk slowly from place to place, and then just sit down and wait?

The only reason I went on the ride was because there was an odd number of kids going on that one and I decided I should sit with my teenage son. I had been on the this ride before and if memory served, my liking factor was not too high.

Sure enough…. It was an old wooden roller coaster which did not instill all the confidence in the world for me. The seats were incredibly small and I was crammed into the tiny metal box that my hips barely fit. No Beefasauri allowed on this one, folks.

Click, click, click…..

I tried to keep a brave face. I tried, but I failed. I’m really thankful they don’t snap the pics on this one. It was not pretty but Alex got a kick out of my utter fear.

After standing around for a few more hours, we made our way to the water park where I was subjected to the full fury of our fast-food nation. I felt alternately svelte next to walking flesh mounds and pudgy next to little prepubescent teenie-boppers. There were many little ones who got the jump on extra layers of fat and very few adults who would be considered presentable in a bathing suit. And I’m not talking model-worthy or “society’s unfair expectation of perfection.” I’m talking just healthy.

Tonight, we watched Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back with the kids. The “I am your father!” line still sends chills. The kids loved it. So did Alex and Steph.

Free Advice for Today: “Listen to your critics. They will keep you focussed and innovative.”