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Flying The Ugly Skies

Monday, December 12th, 2005

Quote of the Day: “Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?”

- GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers

There was a time when stewardesses were attractive. I remember those days. I miss those days.

They should look like this:

(this counts as my nice thing to say about Killjoy for the Millenium so enjoy it while it lasts)

Not This:

I was listening to “The Century” by Peter Jennings and they were interviewing an older woman about the changing roles of women and she said something that stuck in my mind: it was common knowledge and accepted that stewardesses retired (or were fired) at their 31st birthday. That’s just the way it was.

Now I’m not advocating trashing women when they hit their 30s but I AM bemoaning the current state I see when I fly.

Today I got on the plane and low and behold was met by the Crypt-Keeper. OK, I thought, so what.

Then the next one looked like a dried apple core. Yet another was a blond whose beauty it was evident was of stunning quality… a few decades ago.

You judgmental sexist pig” you may say.

Well, I look at it this way:

What is a stewardess’s job? It seems to me, there are two main functions: make me comfortable and help me survive an emergency situation.

Can they do these things when aged and/or ugly? I guess but guys like seeing pretty women. It’s just genetics. The USIG (Ugly Special Interest Group) has succeeded in opening up opportunities once reserved for the attractive sect of the female race.

And if you think it’s wrong to allow physical appearance to be a factor for a job, what about TV and movies? The majority of stars are stars because of the combination of their talent AND their relative beauty based on societal norms. Do we change this? No. Why? Because people like to look at beautiful people.

I say this should be enforced on the airline industry. No one wants to look at some hag or someone that looks like ME. And I’m not saying they should be a set of hotties either. I don’t have some fantasy about joining the Mile High Club with any of these people, I would just like to see the days were you were treated to the presence of a beautiful, friendly woman when strapped in a metal tube and hurling through the atmosphere at 500 MPH.

If that makes me wrong then so be it. But please, Miss Pushing-60-With-Amazingly-Jet-Black-Hair-And-Bright-Pink-Lipstick-On-Prunish-Lips, stand aside to make room for Pretty-Young-Thing. Now THAT’S customer service at its best.

We got into Savannah and after cramming 4 average adult males and all their luggage into a car that was obviously designed for gnomes on the smallish size, we hit the waterfront for something to eat.

Seems that Monday nights aren’t exactly prime time along the waterfront but we managed to find a seafood joint.

What? Jason at a seafood joint?

Well, when you are one of four people, three of which like seafood, I often find myself scanning the menu for the lame chicken or steak offerings. Tonight, it was the super club and once again, I successfully maintained my “club-a-day-when-on-TAD” record.

Free Advice for Today: “Someone will always be looking at you as an example of how to behave. Don’t let that person down.”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.