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Tuesday Follies on Parris Island

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005

Quote of the Day: “Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff.”
“This should be a short conversation.”

- Lt Col to Lt Col (EUCOM)

Two mistakes last night:

1. Leaving the shower light on. I did this to provide a little light in the room so when I got up, I wouldn’t be finding every shin/toe/groin-seeking furniture in the room. My mistake was that a little light turns into a shining beacon of blinding light when trying to sleep.

2. Turning the A/C unit on high. Seemed like a good idea when I entered the Turkish Bath of a room they gave me. Problem was, at 0200, I was transported to the Arctic Circle.

“Why didn’t you just take 10 seconds and rectify these problems and thus enjoy the rest of your hours of sleep?”

Because I’m a stupid, lazy, pig-headed slug. But thanks for asking.

So I tossed, turned, cussed, and pouted for most of the night. Welcome to my world.

We went to the base in the morning and started the classes we are giving (one in the morning, one in the afternoon). Once the classes got started, part of our group headed out for meetings around the base with various people.

It was an opportunity to see the base, see DIs in the wild, and see recruits scared out of their shaved little heads. Walking into the receiving building, I asked the guy with me if he could smell it.

“Smell what?”

“Fear.”

We ate at the club where, for the first time in my life, I ate the Blue Plate Special. Yes, it was actually called that and I felt like I was having lunch at the Mayberry Diner.

Why this sudden detour? Let’s just say that the fried chicken with mashed potatoes was a bit more appealing than the buffet of liver and onions. That’s just wrong, folks. I wouldn’t even eat FREE liver and onions.

Another thing I wanted to talk about here is sweet tea. Everyone knows that I like my sugary drinks to have a criminal amount of sugar. But this is ridiculous. Last night for dinner, today at lunch and dinner, I had the sweet tea and each time, it had the sugar content capable of giving me instant diabetes on contact.

It’s great.

For dinner, we went out to somewhere called Steamers. Now since I’m mentally about 9-years-old, I couldn’t get the vision of a big pile of shit out of my head. Every time the name came up, I internally giggle.

Let’s go to Steamers.” – hee hee

Burger or ribs? Should I get a Steamer burger (tee hee) or a big Steamer plate of ribs (hee hee).

I went for the ribs but I managed to go with the half rack. Ends up it didn’t matter because it was more than I could eat anyway and I left like I always do when I go TAD: full to the point of misery.

We went to a hole in the wall tavern after dinner to meet some of the guys that came down here for the same reason we did. One was from the Lejeune area and one was all the way from San Diego. We had a good time although I was once again shown that despite my white trash roots, I have no business in a hole-in-the-wall tavern.

Let’s just say I didn’t have a lot in common with the cliental. And that none of these people have ever been referred to as “cliental.”

I guess in a different mood and a more potent blood alcohol content, it would be a great place to hang out for a night. Or maybe it was that there was about 5 other people in the whole place. Or maybe I’m reminded of the people that my dad hung out with when we were young. Or maybe I’m just an uppity officer who thinks he’s better than these people. I could accept all of those possibilities except the last one but I had to identify the chance that I’ve succumbed to that shitty way of thinking.

We played pool, drank a couple of beers, and then walked a few hundred yards to another bar, a sports bar this time but it was the same vibe. I just really didn’t want to be there and was still full of ribs. OK, I’m old because all I wanted to do was go back to the room, poke around on the computer, read, and get to sleep.

But I made sure that the lights were out and the A/C was on medium fan only.

Free Advice for Today: “Be able to hit consistently four out of five at the free-throw line.”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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