How Did I Get Here?

Quote of the Day: “I HIT THE CTRL KEY BUT I’M STILL NOT IN CONTROL!”

A few years ago, I snagged some firewood from someone at work and hauled it to my house for cutting. That was November of 2003 and we are just now running out of wood so I asked my contact if he had any more on his land.

OK, I’ll admit, Carrie has been reminding me for months that I needed to get this done and although I pass the office of the man a dozen times a day (on my way to the bathroom at work), I just never closed the deal.

I made a few tries here and there but it never seemed like a good weekend for him and although it started to make me feel like he might not want to let me snag more wood, he always left the door open to ask again. Then I would wait some ridiculous amount of time when it became awkward to ask again. And so it went.

Finally we closed the deal and I was to come over today and load up.

I took Truckasaurus and the boy, although he feigned a sore back that didn’t fool me for a second. Carrie brought the Pilot so we would have room for the wheelbarrow on the way home.

In 2003, we had to haul the wood from a meadow, uphill, so it was an exertion every moment. This time, he had stacked the wood by his shed so from where we parked, it was just a matter of loading up the wheelbarrow and pushing it DOWNHILL to Truckasaurus where Carrie was waiting to stack it nice and neat. With the boy’s help, we had it down in no time.

We loaded up the first load and wheeled it about 10 feet when all of the sudden, it became a chore. What the….

The “wheel” portion of the wheelbarrow was flat. Wow, nice timing.

I had to go ask to borrow another one which he had an exact match to mine, except for the whole flat wheel thing. And unlike mine, his wasn’t all rusted out. I take such good care of these things.

We loaded up Truckasaurus in no time and when we got home, we made excuse… I mean plans. I couldn’t very well chop the wood without the wheelbarrow to carry it to the backyard so we threw a tarp over it and Carrie said she would go to Home Despot next week and get a wheel.

Ahh, the sweet stench of procrastination.

Free Advice for Today: “Never underestimate your power to change yourself.”

Quote of the Day: “Young men, never give up! Never give up! Never give up! Never, never, never, never.”

I blog a lot about pain, mainly associated with my running. But today I experienced another kind of pain and to a degree that is only a taste of what’s to come.

My little girl went away for the weekend on a church retreat.

And I miss her.

Carrie laughs at me because I don’t pay enough attention to the kids but when they leave, my heart sinks. She told me this would happen and now she tells me that she told me it would happen which doesn’t make things any easier.

You see, Steph is still my bald-headed baby girl (a term of endearment I use quite often and that she rolls her eyes at, pulling at her long hair to show me this is no longer the case.)

But…

She no longer hugs me in public.

She no longer holds my hand in public.

She no longer kisses me in public.

So I mope around when she leaves, despite my wife’s insistence that she’d just be up in her room and I’d be on my computer ignoring her.

I know that some day this will reverse itself and she will once again hug me, hold my hand, and kiss me in public. But by then, she will be gone more than she is with me and I don’t look forward to that. Yes, I will be one of those miserable souls who miss their children and bemoan the fact to anyone and everyone within whining distance.

But every once in awhile, she caves and cuddles up to me. I sit perfectly still, afraid that any movement will burst this tender bubble and she will scurry off like a sleeping cat that’s been disturbed.

I miss my baby and this is just the beginning.

Free Advice for Today: “Tell your kids often how terrific they are and that you trust them.”

Quote of the Day: “The music of the marathon is a powerful martial strain, one of those tunes of glory. It asks us to forsake pleasures, to discipline the body, to find courage, to renew faith and to become one’s own person, utterly and completely.”

It’s that time of year folks. Time to do my annual Lone Pine, Wild Wild West planning for 2006.

I started running this race in 2000 so this will be my 7th uninterrupted pilgrimage to Lone Pine California to run this race.

It hasn’t always been a big event. The highlights from past years are as follows:

2000: First marathon EVER and was talked into it over a drunk poker game. Did minimal training, longest run being a 15 mile run that was shortened to 11 by my wimpiness and a sandstorm. Drove with the other three Horsemen from 29 Palms and finished in just over 6 hours.

2001: All Four Horsemen made the return trip from 29 Palms. I worsened my time by almost 15 minutes.

2002: Had moved to Monterey but made the 8-hour drive to meet Gary Bash. The other two Horsemen flagrantly wimped out and I broke the 6-hour monster. This is also the first year I had run another marathon the weekend before and was running my first 50-mile ultra two weeks after.

2003: Made the same drive as 2002 but was met by Sir Phil this time while the other two Horsemen cried themselves to sleep in their beds at home. I crushed my PR by over 30 minutes and repeated the marathon the weekend before and 50-mile ultra two weeks after.

2004: My debut of traveling from the east coast with Sir Phil and also my most shameful performance. Pretty much gave up on the time and enjoyed the race with a ridiculous time. Didn’t really count as a race.

2005: my second trip cross country from Virginia and I redeemed myself, crushing my PR by another 20 minutes and getting within 4 ½ minutes of cracking the 5-hour monster.

That brings us up to date and I decided today was the day to start the planning. Signing up was relatively easy and the long pole in the tent was buying the ticket.

This is the part where you look at me funny because I’m paying a lot of money to fly across the country so I can drive further (about 5 hours) to finally get to a small mountain town, sleep, and get up crazy-early to run 26.2 miles through mountains and trails. Then reverse the entire fiasco to get home sore and a lot lighter in the wallet.

OK, so we understand it’s a fool’s errand. So what.

Combine this with the fact that I might be one of the cheapest bastards around and you get a recipe for scouring the Internet for a good deal on air fare. I will spare you the details and cut right to the chase: I ended up at Travelocity and not only got a cheaper fare than last year but I get to leave out of Reagan National instead of BWI, a savings of a few hours of driving.

The damage was $255.20 which is about 100 bones less than last year when I waited too long. It was supposed to be $245 with tax and fees but the bastards changed the price mid-booking. At least they said “sorry” in red. Bastards.

There was so much blog-worthy moments in buying this that I feel bad that I can’t go over the details. Suffice it to say, I got to pick my seats and we got a good price with reasonable departure and arrival times.

Sir Phil made the reservations for the Vegas hotel. Oh yeah, did I mention, we are going to Vegas? Neither Sir Phil nor I are gamblers or whore-mongers so the stereotypical Vegas draw is lost on us but we get to walk around a lot, look at the spectacles, and pay 3 times the price for meals unless we want to eat at 0200.

He also hooked up our room at the famous Dow Villa in Lone Pine. We’ve done this so many times that we have our favorite room (one with an actual bathroom. If you saw the place, you’d understand this is a treat) but it was taken so we had to get a room in the “Weed Wing,” so dubbed after we smelled a certain fragrance in the hallway during our first year back in 2000. I’ve been told that we have a bathroom so we’ll be living the high life… in the Weed Wing. (Yeah, like I’d trash 19 years in the Corps for some reefer.)

Free Advice for Today: “Refill ice cube trays.”

Quote of the Day: “A workout is a form of rebirth. When you finish a workout, you don’t simply feel better, you feel better about yourself.”

I guess I should just go ahead and confess now.

I do not control my own finances. Carrie pays the bills and tracks the money, giving me enough to get a haircut.

Also, I should go further and admit that we really don’t operate on a budget, per se. Since we’ve been married, we’ve always followed a simple concept: pay the bills first and put some in savings, spend the rest as needed. I know, not the best approach and this would work out fine if not for a small problem: we have credit cards.

Don’t get me wrong, we have great credit. Immaculate even. But like most Americans, we tend to spend before we save and when we let it get away from us, the totals get a little painful.

“Put it on the card” is a common last resort (sometimes “first”) around here and even though we know it’s wrong and we know most people fall into this trap, that bill just keeps growing.

A few years ago, (1996 to be exact), I got the idea to buy Quicken and take charge of my financial situation. For those of you that know me, you know I hate to spend money or really, anything to do with finances. I get all stressed out, hence the reason Carrie has always taken care of it. So it was no surprise that the software didn’t really work out for us.

We also invest. I say that but in truth, we set up a couple of Roth IRAs a long time ago and have been sporadically adding to them. It’s been one of those things I’ve been meaning to fix but like by blog, gets sporadic attention. Even worse, it just became a distant burr in my saddle until I finally looked into it. Over the years, they had finally put everything online and I went through the trouble of looking into it.

I have to say, our investment company has done very little for us. For years, we only got a statement and nothing else. We are just as guilty because we accepted this treatment and let it continue. For the last few years, we haven’t even got the statements so it was with more than a little ire that I discovered, via the online statement, that they had charged me a fee for non-use and put our account into a “abandoned” status.

Not only that, but they never increased the number of shares invested into the Munder fund which, upon investigation, has more than doubled in value over the years. Good thing they stopped at my measly 12 shares. Bastards.

But again, my fault for neglecting this so I decided to do something about it: withdraw my IRA from these assbags and transfer it to Navy Federal. I don’t know how much that will cost or what’s involved but I’m pretty sure it will be 46 steps past the edge of my patience.

Also, I decided to give the financial software another go. I asked my wife to get a copy of Quicken (after discovering my 1996 copy would not even LOAD onto my computer). So what did she do? Got me Microsoft Money.

To her, it wasn’t that big of a deal and it was cheaper. Quicken, Money, whatever.

This, of course, shot me up like a bottle rocket and I explained to her that I HAD to have Quicken and that I didn’t WANT Microsoft Money. What the hell was she thinking?

I called Sir Phil to inquire what he uses. I was particularly interesting in knowing how the update thing worked, specifically if it cost as much to buy the upgrades as it did to buy the entire program. I found out this was a lousy assumption in the first place because Sir Phil pointed out that he has been using the same Quicken program since 1998. It’s a stand-alone program for the parts that he uses so there was no reason to buy the newer versions. Classic Sir Phil.

BTW, you DO have to buy the entire new version if you want to upgrade. After a couple of years, the online portions don’t work and you MUST buy the newest version if you want to keep using those functions. It seems that the general consensus is that a lot of people have a case of the ass about this.

Then I did some research and discovered that Quicken and Money were basically the same and there was no rational reason I should want Quicken more than Money. So I once again felt like an ass for stressing my lovely wife about it. Since it was sitting there in a box at home, I decided to go with Microsoft (eyes wide with a blank look before them turning into a cartoon swirly effect).

Free Advice for Today: “Learn how to read a financial report.”

Quote of the Day: “The miracle isn’t that I finished The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

I’m OK. Really, I am. I can walk. And I’m only a little bit sore. Not bad after yesterday’s insanity and good thing it was a half day today. I didn’t have to be in to work until noon.

And because I didn’t have to be in until noon, I asked Carrie if she wanted to get some breakfast at Denny’s. Why Denny’s? Only because it was near to the barber that I go to so to make things easy, I accepted that we would eat where “The Land Of Broken Dreams” people decide to work.

Before you get all irate, I will remind everyone that I was a busser when I was in high school so food service is not a mystery to me. If you read this blog, you will know that I am very judgmental when it comes to food service but that’s only because I believe I was so good at it that I compare service to what I provided.

I can even take into account the relative business (busy-ness, that is), remembering how it was when things were nuts. But this is not the case.

We were some of the only people in there AND the waitress (yes, I still call them WAITRESSES and if you don’t like it, it’s probably best you read elsewhere) had a newbie who was shadowing her. So they should have been on top of things, right?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. They weren’t.

They weren’t HORRIBLE nor where they the worst I ever encountered, but they weren’t as accommodating as I think they should have been, given the lack of other customers. We had to wait far too long to get our food and at the end, we even had to finally go up to the counter to get our bill. You know how that goes.

Once you factor in the Denny’s factor, it calculates about right. If I ever got outstanding service at a Denny’s, I’d tip HUGE and likely get dizzy as the fabric of the Universe would tear open.

Free Advice for Today: “Get a car with a sun roof.”

Quote of the Day: “The human body can do so much. Then the heart and spirit must take over.”

I ran 18 miles today.

I know that sounds like a lot and it never ceases to amaze me. Not that I did it, but people’s reaction to the statement.

You would think it would be respect but more often than not, it’s a different flavor of respect. More like derision. Like it’s an insult to those I tell. I don’t understand why they react this way but I recognize it right away. I see the look in their eye and I instantly squirm away from the discussion because I know they will not understand. If they have never run distance before, they will not understand.

They will map how they feel when they run for 5 minutes and then extrapolate that onto hours of running. As though that’s what it’s like to run for 3 hours. (Actually, this is somewhat accurate but only at the very end.)

It’s unexplainable but the closest I’ve ever seen is a quote a read that goes “Race Day: to give up the day-to-day luxuries of the masses for the luxury of a day the masses will NEVER have.”

I’ve heard it all:

I don’t want to do something that feels GOOD for 3 hours.

I don’t like to DRIVE for 26.2 miles.

I can chase my wife around and it’s not as hard on the knees.

I wasn’t built for running.

I’d get too bored.

I don’t have the time.

I don’t want to blow out my knees/back/(insert body part here)

I know this sounds elitist but it comes down to if you don’t run, you can’t know. If you suspect, then you eventually get on the road and run. One day, you will find yourself with an almost orgasmic euphoria while running and then you will know. Until then, you cannot know.

My plan today was to go out and run the 12. The problem was, I had not run anything longer than 7.5 miles since last October DURING THE MARINE CORPS MARATHON!!!

This was a problem. The rule of thumb is to not go higher than a 10% increase. Not only did I question my physical ability but my mental ability as well. I didn’t have the self-confidence that I could go out and run for two hours and trying to do so when you are not ready is a all-in-one-kit assurance that you will kill what little confidence you ever had, making the run after that even more difficult.

I did not want to fall into that vicious cycle.

But at the same time, I have less than 2 months before my next marathon and the long runs just go up and up from here, according to my schedule. Like it or not, I needed to get out there and I needed to run. No excuses.

I have a history of behavior when I get backed into a situation like this.

Already signed up for a marathon? Sign up for another one a week later. Still not enough? How about signing up for your first 50 mile ultra scheduled two weeks after that? Still more? OK, how about repeating it the next year.

Yes, I tend to go a bit overboard and then learn to swim once I’m out in the open ocean.

So how did this manifest itself today?

Worried about completing a scheduled 12-mile run? Well then tack on the 6 miles you were supposed to run today.

But it was an 8-mile loop, right? So there and back is 16 which is only 4 more than scheduled (see how I suddenly accepted that I was not only running 12 but the extra, too? It happens that quick in my head.)

It wasn’t until mile 5 did I realize that I’ve made this mistake before. It IS a 9 mile run all the way out to the back gate of the TBS training area which makes it an 18-mile roundtrip. Why is this so difficult to remember?

For a split second, I considered making my turnaround at mile 8 but that lasted exactly one breath. I had it in my head that I was going out to that gate so that was that.

It ends up I only needed 5 for today so I got in the extra mile just for kicks. Yeah for me.

So what was the difference? How did it feel?

I got it into my head that I was going to run this distance. RUN it. Not get out there and give up, not sprint ahead when I felt good, just chug along and keep a self-respecting pace and that’s exactly what I did.

I got out to the turnaround in 1:26 which is just under 10-minute miles. I was feeling good, had plenty of water left, and sat down to take off my shoes, clear out the rocks, and re-tie the laces. I was ready for the return trip.

Unlike yesterday, there was no wind and the temperature going out was ideal. The sun poked through and I had to take off my gloves at about mile 5. My long-sleeve running shirt and running jacket was a good call, as was shorts as opposed to leggings I had yesterday. In fact, I thought I might have to take off the jacket on the way back because the minimal sunlight was making it just beyond the perfect comfort level.

But a cloud bank rolled across the horizon at the halfway point and I knew I had seen the setting sun for the last time this day. I even had to put my gloves back on.

The last 6 miles started getting tough. I remember saying “Only 2 PFTs.” After each mile, I would hold up fingers corresponding to the number of miles left. At three miles, I said “Only a PFT left.”. You use what you can.

I’m not going to say the ending was easy but I will say it was strong. Stronger than many runs I had run at that distance which really surprised me. I was in no shape to tackle this distance.

So I repeat, what was it that made the difference?

I just knew. I convinced myself before I started that I would run this run and take it from beginning to end. I never let doubt creep in and once and for all, I proved my belief that running is 90% mental. I say that but I know I will forget this lesson and have to learn it over and over again.

But I have no more excuses. If I can have a run like I had today in the shape I was in, there is no reason ever to falter on a run. If I do, it’s mental and not physical.

Hell of a good reminder.

Free Advice for Today: “Don’t think expensive equipment will make up for lack of talent or practice.”

Quote of the Day: “Mind is everything: muscle – pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind.”

Last night it was so windy that the wind ripped off my Marine Corps flag clean off the pole in the front yard. Luckily, it blew it into my driveway where it was trapped by the fence. How dare the wind desecrate my sacred Marine Corps flag.

When I noticed this out my front window first thing this morning, I saw my American flag was still waving in the strong wind and the words to the American Anthem played through my head.

“… and our flag was still there…”

It actually gave me a chill.

With such a windstorm, I cursed myself for not running yesterday when I should have. It was a nice day yesterday and now there was a sub-freezing wind shit-storm going on and I was backed into a corner. I had to get this damn 12 mile run in but I gaffed it off all morning. When this happens, my wife can tell you than I’m an enormous pain in the ass to be around. My mood swings from grumpy to playfully mean. I poke, wrestle, annoy, trip, bump into, squeeze everyone (to include the dog) until everyone (to include the dog) yells me to go out and run.

I got my spandexy running pants on. I got my Under Armour cold-weather running shirt on. I got my running jacket on. Long socks, gloves, hat, glasses, Camelback. I had my Gu ready. Everything was ready. I was ready.

I drove all the way out to the base (40 minutes) and parked. I donned all my running stuff and set my mental pedometer to 12 miles.

I was ready. I was off.

One minute and thirty seconds later, I turned around.

It was a 3-minute run.

Why?

It was FRIGGIN’ COLD!!!! Sub-freezing wind in my face for an hour? Nope, not happening. I didn’t care what I owed, I was not going to do this. It wasn’t worth the misery and after the Christmas fiasco, I wasn’t about to go through this again.

On the way home, I convinced myself that I would go to the YMCA and run on the dreadmill for 12 miles. Two hours. Ug.

I had all the way home to talk myself out of it and sure enough, I did. But the trip wasn’t totally wasted. I picked up my son nearby who had spent last night at a friend’s house so I had to come this way at some point during the day.

So what did I do? Why, watch football of course and make plans to run tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow should be good. Has to be better than a flag-ripping, testicle-freezing day like today.

Don’t judge me until you’ve run a mile in my snowshoes.

Free Advice for Today: “Don’t admire people for their wealth but for the creative and generous ways they put it to use.”

Quote of the Day: “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from taking a swing.”

There was only on thing on the plate today.

Seahawks versus the Washington Foreskins.

Oh, and a run. Oops, then unknown to me came one of Steph’s basketball games at 10:00. OK, damn, well, the run will have to be tomorrow which works out since it was and is extremely windy last night and this morning.

The basketball game went OK, except that they lost and mirrored last night’s game where Alex’s team kinda stunk up the court. As you might recall, both kids won their first games last week but this week, it wasn’t in the cards for either offspring. Both were disappointed but are no 1-1 for the season.

The football game didn’t start until 4:30 and as unlikely as it may seem, I was able to get Sir Phil and his family to come over for the game. I had been invited to a get-together but declined because I really just wanted to stay home and build a fire while I watched the Foreskins get clipped…

(Obvious ALERT! Obvious ALERT! Never, and I mean NEVER, type in “foreskin” to Google images when you can’t remember the medical term “circumcision”. EVER!)

OK, now that I’ve flushed my eyeballs out with Lysol, dumped all of my cookies (both the computer ones and the contents of my stomach), and cleared my cache, I think we can continue. Excuse me, just a bit more bile…. OK.

I called Sir Phil and invited him. Lo and behold, he was available and even brought over his gang of Patches. Carrie cooked up some turkey chili and we drank beer while watching the game. Well, Sir Phil dipped into the bottle of Jim Beam I keep just for him but other than that, we stuck to the beer. I only had two, still reeling from a little situation not long ago.

When the game started, I was surprised to realize that I had not watched one professional football game this season. I look so forward to the season and then for some reason, have found better things to do every Sunday for the last few months. This struck me as very weird. What the hell have I been doing on Sundays?

They made a big deal of the fact that it had rained for 27 straight days in Seattle. I didn’t even know. The record there is 33. For a mood-swinging weather-dependent guy like me, I hope I can handle this kind of environment when I retire. It never seemed to bother me as a kid but neither did flying and we ALL know how I feel about that now.

I’m glad I didn’t know how important this Alexander cat was to the team when he got hurt in the 1st quarter. Seems he’s something of a linchpin. But apparently not since we won 20-10 (I say “we” as though I had anything to do with it.)

Now we are 1 game away from the Super Bowl. ONE GAME? Do you understand this? The Seahawks have been breaking my heart since 1976 when I first started going to Seattle during the summer to visit my father. Back then, I just liked the fact that they had cool colors and a badass, pissed off looking bird for a logo. This kind of offset the fact that they got their tailfeathers shoved up their ass every year.

So now they are one game away. The Seahawks. I know there are thousands, likely millions of better fans who have kept the flame alive all these years but for me, I’m glad to see “my” Seahawks finally get to stretch for that golden ring.

Play on, Hawks.

Free Advice for Today: “In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.”

Quote of the Day: “There is only one sure way to fall and that is to quit.”

When you find out once you get in on a Friday that not only do you get a three day weekend but you get to leave at noon and don’t have to be back until noon Tuesday.

That’s cool.

And on Friday the 13th!

Then what is not cool is blowing off the workout you were supposed to do and instead, going home and taking a 2 ½ hour nap for no apparent reason, killing your half day off, and waking up groggy as hell.

Why do I do these things? Hopefully I have more discipline with my running this weekend. I have a 12-miler tomorrow.

Free Advice for Today: “Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”

Quote of the Day: “Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.”

Taking off at 0530 to get Shane to the airport on time for a 0840 flight sounds crazy, huh? I mean, it’s only 50 miles of freeway, right?

It would be a ridiculous cushion of time, unless of course some idiot moron decided to bite it by the Lorton exit and stop up 2 of the 3 lanes. Yes, folks, 5 miles an hour all the way but I did manage to get to the airport by 0730 thus averaging a blazing 25 miles per hour average all the way there.

I have been told that I should have more sympathy for the people who wreck and stop up traffic. I don’t.

People tell me that sometimes it’s not their fault but I counter that SOMEONE is at fault. If someone is just tooling along and gets sideswiped, then it might not be that person’s fault but it IS the fault of the idiot who instigated the wreck.

And don’t get me started on the cell phone situation. I see it everyday and while I’ve been guilty on more than a few occasions, I keep it to a minimum and it has never caused me to drive any differently than when I’m not using it.

I’ve heard (but don’t know if it’s true) that the police will check your phone records and if you were on the phone at the time, you are blamed for the wreck no matter what. God, I hope this is true.

I got back to work just after 8, thus completing a 5 hour sleep and a 3 hour drive in traffic. For the rest of the day I felt like a was underwater and wanted nothing more than to just go home.

This is why I was proud of myself that I still went out and ran the 6 miles at lunch. Since they repaved the main road going to front gate, I’ve been wanting to run it since they made a wider shoulder for runners than they used to have. Plus, the weather here has been freaky: the 50s and 60 but I know it won’t last. I just want to enjoy this crazy fall weather while I can.

Free Advice for Today: “Never take the last piece of fried chicken.”