Stephanie and I Go Socialing
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
Quote of the Day: “I may be too drunk to walk but, By God, I’ll crawl like a Marine!”
- Unknown
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Tonight was a great night. I had a father-daughter social night even at my daughter’s school.
I had been looking forward to this for a week since I found out so before I went, I showered again, shaved again, and got all dressed up. I even put on cologne!!!
(side joke: why do women wear make-up and perfume? Answer: because they’re ugly and they stink.)
(OK, maybe not appropriate for this post but damn funny.)
Steph got dressed up too and we were ready for our “date.”
We got to her school and I put on my nametag as instructed. Looking around, I found it humorous that the military fathers were dressed up in suits and impeccable outfits while the civilian fathers, on the whole, looked like they did the best they could. I’m just sayin’.
We sat down where we filled out a questionnaire and I got to meet some of the other fathers who seemed a bit less comfortable about being in their current situation than I was mine. Over the years, I’ve instituted a date night routine with Stephanie about once a month so this was nothing new. But that didn’t make it any the less special for me. I have grown close with my daughter in the last few months probably because she’s let up on the eye-rolling when we are in public and I’ve toned down my hugs and kisses in public view.
The first event was a Jeopardy-type of set up where we were separated; all the dads on one side and the girls on the other. As a group, the dads were asked questions the daughters would know and vice versa.
But what they didn’t know what that we had a ringer because I’m so hip that it’s crazy!
It was the father’s turn first and our question was, which come in odd sizes, junior or misses.
The fathers looked around helplessly. Out of 25 dads, no one was for sure. Or maybe one was but probably knew we’d all jump him and beat him senseless for being some kind of fairy. For whatever reason, we guessed wrong.
The first question for the daughters was “Who sang ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?’”
Nary a preteen daughter had a clue. Of course all the dads answered “Cindy Lauper” in unison. Score one for the dads.
It was our turn and the question was simply, “Who sings ‘Yeah’?”
In a normal population of dads, this would elicit the expected and confused head turns to other dads but as I said before, we had cool-Dad-Viper all up in this house so of course, just as the confused heads started to turn (which was about half a heart-beat), I blurted out “Would that be Usher featuring Ludicris and Little John?”
The moderator looked at me like I had just violently shot polka-dotted jello out of my ass.
The girls were then asked to finish this line from Top Gun: “I have the need…”
They finally settled on “… for speed” but didn’t get the CORRECT answer which is of course “… THE NEED for speed.”
Did we give it to them?
Hell no, they were WRONG!
My next wisecrack came when it was the girls turn again. Here’s how the conversation went:
“In what occupation would you use a stud finder.”
The girls looked around confused and then started guessing random occupations until one girl blurted out “Cowboy?”
Being the incurable smartass, I had to blurt out equally as loud… “I see someone has been watching ‘Brokeback Mountain.’”
Oh, stop it, they couldn’t have known and all the adults thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.
The reality check came when they asked us who our daughters homeroom teacher was and I had no idea. I knew Usher but not my daughter’s homeroom teacher. Shameful, I know, don’t remind me.
Also, I found it interesting that all the dads knew that Hilary Duff played Lizzie McGuire. Now THAT was creepy.
I was also the only dad who knew that “ttyl” means “talk to you later” in IM. I am SUCH a cool dad.
Let’s see, when asked what color the positive lead to a car battery, answers such as purple and yellow were offered from the girls. Needless to say, they didn’t get that one.
I had no idea who the quarterback was for the Redskins last time they won a Super Bowl nor which two teams always play on Thanksgiving, although I did guess correctly that an elk was normally bigger than a deer. Those questions were a little emasculating but I recovered.
After this game (which the dads won, by the way), we rotated to the cafeteria where we filled out “discussion starters” and ate snacks. I scored big on the question “What do you like most about your daughter” responding “that she’s so much like her mother.”
But then that was negated by all the pretzels and chocolate chip cookies I ate which ended up being my dinner. I also took a powder when the dancing started because I neither know nor do I want to learn how to do the Electric Slide or the Macerena. But I did dance one slow dance with her and taught her how to be led by her male counterpart.
The last rotating found us playing Bingo which we almost won. All I needed was a stinkin’ B5 and I would have finished the “Big T” and won a basket full of beach stuff which Steph pointed out would have been perfect since we were moving to San Diego. But the little balls of fate were against me. So I stormed out yelling a stream of profanities in my wake.
OK, maybe not. I had to be on my best behavior since, you know, I was wearing cologne.
I was really surprised when the older gentlemen in front of me had NEVER played Bingo and we had to explain it to him. Older guy. No Bingo. Ever. It was… seemed to be… almost illegal.
We ended the night getting our picture taken and I was so proud to sit and pose with my daughter. For some reason, we have grown close in the last few months and I couldn’t imagine a better night with her than spending it together at this “social.”
My little girl isn’t so little any more and while I miss the little one, the older version is winning my heart anew. Anyway, I have a feeling I’ll be seeing the little version again some day.
Free Advice for Today: “Wash whites separately.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Stephanie looks Bee-You-Tee-Full in this picture. I miss her! (so does Claire)
And you men only knew Hilary Duff played Lizzie McGuire because you all drool over her. Shame. On. You! Your daughters are catching up in age, I think it’s a fine time to start drooling over women who have made it into their 20s.
Comment by Killjoy — March 28, 2006 @ 10:26 pm
great post because:
it captured enough of my interest that I actually read it
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun = class song
bingo = my birthday party at a geriatric center (I’m not even SLIGHTLY kidding)
Jeopardy = nerds = Academic Team of which I am dictator i mean captain
Brokeback Mountain reference was actually funny AND relevant
and you have a really lucky daughter who hopefully shall never grow to be like either of us…yeah…I kinda like her…she must get that from her mom.
OKAY FINE. “She also has the adoring and positive influence of her father.” HAPPY NOW? HUH? PUNK???
I bet you don’t call HER a hermaphrodite. (That really hurt, btw)
Comment by O! — March 28, 2006 @ 11:05 pm
how could they not know “…. the need for speed”
its TOP freaking GUN. come on people, puh-leese. *sigh*.
cyndi lauper? none of them got that?
and you didnt get that the COWBOYS play every thanksgiving?
AAAGGGHHHhhhh. killin’ me. i actually yelled out “oh come ONNNNN” while reading this. and loved that you got YEAH… usher. nice. great tune.
and who doesnt know how to play bingo? where do you LIVE dude? seriously?
cute pic. i still havent grown out of my rolling eyes phase, so count yourself lucky! y’all look like a cutie little father daughter duo!
Comment by a.maria. — March 28, 2006 @ 11:36 pm
Although I’m still young and a long way from fatherhood (crosses fingers), your posts about your family do make me want to be a dad.
Comment by LCpl Reilly — March 29, 2006 @ 1:17 am
(Glad to see that “Online Pharmacy” luvs ya so much
) You must have to carve out an extra 20 minutes a day just to get rid of comment spam-antula. Really sweet post, except for the bizarro latent hostility towards women thingy, sounding a lone discordnant note. (That was a funny joke?! NOT.) The rest of it was great! And funny, and sweet. The pic is adorable, too. Cool to have those moments for your daughter to remember when she grows up… Have you ever heard the Dave Chappelle routine about Lil Jon? It’s not one of his funniest, but it’s pretty good. Apparently Lil John only has three words in his vocab — “Okaaaaay,” “Whatttttt?!!!” and “Yea…ah!!!” — and Chappelle does this whole routine with him on the phone, where that’s his side of the conversation, etc. Funny. The bingo guy was probably an extraterrestial, btw — who hasn’t ever played that in their lives? At least on this planet…
Comment by Lily — March 29, 2006 @ 1:59 am
Yeah, father-daughter social’s are great. I wonder if they have grandfather-granddaughter social’s, my granddaughter will be five soon, at the rate she’s growing I’d better start getting the suit out of mothballs. Hey, that would be a good question for a teenager, “What are mothballs used for?”
Comment by Jack — March 29, 2006 @ 6:35 am
P.S. That Pickler! How has she made it this far? She sounds (and looks a little) like a muppet.
Comment by Killjoy — March 29, 2006 @ 9:21 am
Cousin, I completely and fully commend you on teaching Steph how to let a man lead her in a dance. That’s so important, really. You know how much MY dad likes to dance, but luckily I had a boyfriend along the way teach me.
Suds in a Bucket? Where the hell did that song come from…Hee Haw? And am I the only one who thinks someone should seriously consider taking away Paula’s painkillers?
Comment by Jennifer — March 29, 2006 @ 11:37 am
AWWWWWW!!! She looks so grown up in the picture. And she does take after her daddy. I can see you in her eyes especially, and her smile. And Dad’s and their daughters have a really special bond.
Comment by Karla — March 29, 2006 @ 4:11 pm
Killjoy, I keep telling everyone that Steph is a clone of her mother. See what I mean now?
And about Ms. Duff, I will remind you that I wasn’t the first to answer that particular question (but I would have nailed it with a few more seconds. OK, bad word choice.)
So if it means anything, I think she’s gone Hollywood and is looking like crap these days. Too gaunt. But that’s just me.
Wait, did you actually get me to comment on Hilary Duff’s general desirability? Oh, you are good, Killjoy. Kudos.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:25 pm
O!: I’m glad I’m living up to your standards these days. And I meant “Hermaphrodite” in only the most flattering way.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:27 pm
a.maria, they were born in 1994!!!
As far as the Cowboys, that wasn’t the answer. I can’t remember what was but it wasn’t the Cowboys. I think it was the Lions and someone else. Eh, I never pay attention until the Hawks went to the Super Bowl.
And I keep telling you, I. LIVE. IN. SPOTSYTUCKY. Now if it was a rousing game of make-out-with-your-sister, the rules would be tatooed on the indiginous population (next to the “Git-R-Dun” tat.)
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:31 pm
LCpl Reilly, when the time comes, just pay attention to them. That seems to be the thing that scews them up the most (when you don’t give them your attention). And never hesitate to hug and kiss them and tell them you love them. If you do that, you’re most of the way there.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:33 pm
Lily, tell me about it. I’ve had to go to the interface and use the mass reject option thanks to the latest wave of spam. I got 48 spam comments yesterday.
I have seen that Chapelle skit. It’s hilarious, especially when he talks normal because he has this serious, deep, academic voice.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:35 pm
Jack, I’m 37 and have never seen, much less used mothballs (although I do know they are camphor).
And you should go and scoop up your granddaughter once a month and take her on a date. If you are lucky, she might let you keep doing it through the teenage years. I’m banking on it.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:37 pm
Killjoy, it wouldn’t be a Tuesday night without your Pickler-bashing. But a Muppet-reference from Clifford? Really?
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:38 pm
Jennifer, it surprised me that I hadn’t taught her until now.
And the thought of seeing Uncle Kent trying to dance gave me a headache. It was like imagining Pickler solving calculus problmes (there’s one for you to show you that I stil love you.)
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:40 pm
Karla, if you say so but she’s a clone of her mother.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 8:41 pm
Apropos of not much, I was driving by UW today and stopped off at Dick’s Drive-In; wondered if that was someplace you and Carrie used to go when you were here? It is such the quintessential Seattle institution. They finally raised their prices some, but it’s still dirt cheap to eat there, and so retro/cool in its own way.
Re: the Dave Chappelle thing — you know at least one, if not both, of his parents was a college professor? So it explains why the brain behind that stuff is so darn smart. I love his delivery almost as much as the content. He cracks me up beyond belief. He does academic white people so well, too. Hysterical. I’ve been on a total Dave Chappelle kick recently, watching ALL of his stuff on Netflix — the comedy series, the stand-up shows, everything. I’m beginning to hear him in my sleep. Not sure how to even pick some of the funniest: but his takeoff on the Mitsubishi commercial; the one about Oprah as his baby’s momma; the Samuel Jackson beer ads; the Niggar family; Negrodamus; the one about “when getting real goes horribly wrong”; any of the R. Kelly stuff — he’s HYSTERICAL. Love, love, love that stuff. Sick as can be, but so incredibly funny.
Comment by Lily — March 29, 2006 @ 10:33 pm
I ate at Dick’s ONCE. Not because I didn’t like it but because I just never had occasion while going to school. I would go to school, work, and go home.
But ironically, it was on a late night drinking binge that I visited it and I don’t remember much from it. From what I hear, the way it should be.
And before any of my readers go high and to the right about Lily’s use of the “N” word, let me point out that the skit was about a white family with that as their last name. It was kind of a 50′s “Leave It To Beaver” situation shot in black and white with a laugh track. They used the forbidden word over and over, referencing it as a family name but out of context, it sounded like they were making racist comments (although in context, they weren’t).
Dave played the black milkman who seemed to be the only person in the skit who caught onto the double meanings and hilariously used phrases only black people could get away with among each other, seeming to get a kick out of being able to say things they misunderstood as referring to their family name.
One of the funniest skits I couldn’t discuss at work or anywhere else.
Comment by Administrator — March 29, 2006 @ 11:06 pm
IT’S NOT THE COWBOYS?????????
Seriously??
I really thought I knew that one.
And thanks for the comments about me being androgynous. I get that from my mom…wait maybe that’s my dad…no wait it’s my mom…no it can’t be…must be the dad…no…wait…ummmmm
Comment by O! — March 29, 2006 @ 11:08 pm
GIRL!!!!
Comment by Administrator — May 14, 2006 @ 6:07 pm