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Maker of Coffee

Thursday, May 11th, 2006


Quote of the Day: “This shirt is dry clean only. Which means…it’s dirty.”

- Mitch Hedburg

Tragedy struck today. The other day it was the water heater and today, it’s, it’s… oh, I can’t bear to even mumble it. But I’ll try to be strong….

The coffee pot just stopped. (uncontrollable wailing….)

I mean, it just yesterday, it was fine, full of life, living the dream. Oh, sure, it had slowed down as of late but it was just being mellow. Who would know it would just go in its sleep?

Oh coffee maker, you will be missed (tear streaks down cheek…)

So I threw the piece of shit away and it was time for a new one.

Carrie brought home one from the exchange but I didn’t like it. It had the internal resovoir so all you had to do was push your coffee mug against the button to filler up. But hello, I use a mug and the mug would not fit. Anyway, it was only about $20 so get this cheap piece of shit out of my sight!!!!

The second attempt she brought home wasn’t much better. It only held 8 cups.

8 cups!! I piss more than 8 cups after a night of drinking!!!!

And, AND it didn’t have a timer. WTF?

Take it back!!!!

I informed my lovely wife that a coffee maker is a big investment and I wanted to spend no less than $100 of the best we could find. Hey, how often do you get to buy a coffee maker so why not go all out? I figure it’s like a mattress; spend the extra cash and get a really good one because you WILL use the hell out of it.

At least I will, if you know what I mean (vulgar laughter).

Needless to say, Carrie didn’t want to spend $100 on a coffee maker but I was serious. I wanted one that ground the beans inside and all. I wanted one that greeted me good morning in a sexy voice like the Enterprise.

I wanted top of the line and it was one more indication that I’m becoming very snobbish when it comes to purchases these days. I want the best, screw the cost.

We went to the mall and settled on a nice one for about $50 on sale. It didn’t grind the beans but it was the best one that WalMart carried. The weirdest thing about it is that it has a projected analog clock. Who uses two hands on a clock and do you think if you make it an LED that it makes it any easier?

I didn’t get my Borg-coffee-maker but I got a nice one. It doesn’t talk to me but it has a timer. Now I have to wait another decade before I can get that BeaneryFlux 10000 with optional turboCaf booster cams.

Free Advice for Today: “Take a course in basic car repair.”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

4 Comments - Join in the conversation below

  1. I so totally am with you. I love my 100 on sale BUNN coffee maker plus my around the corner Starbucks. Something you might not know is why invest in one with a clock timer whatever thingamajig or coffee bean grinder on it? when either goes out what would be the point. As my 20+ retired Marine father who never throws anything out before attempting to fix it says buy a 5 dollar push button timer for the damn thing and be done. (the grinder would be an extravagant purchase to him) Must not be a Marine trait. But my Bunn is always hot and super-duper fast sometimes like my Starbucks. Both of which he’d freak out doing. {eery laugh} keep blogging Viper

    Comment by Donna Gates — May 21, 2006 @ 12:46 pm

  2. Ooooh, now I’m jealous. You got a $100 Bunn. I truly have coffeemaker envy right now.

    Comment by Administrator — May 21, 2006 @ 7:28 pm

  3. What’s funny about this is I am calling you a crybaby while sitting in YOUR chair typing on YOUR computer. Your keys are too loud, by the way. Your pounding on the keys is what woke me up this morning.

    Comment by Administrator — May 22, 2006 @ 9:06 am

  4. Killjoy, that was your hair. It woke me up too, across the hall. It needs its coffee.

    Comment by Administrator — May 23, 2006 @ 7:20 pm

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