How Did I Get Here?

Wednesday

Today was my first Battalion meeting. OK, other than my first day but this one was my first one as the actual Headquarters Company Commander. Any other flyshit you want to pick out of the pepper?

What is an organization without meetings?

I’m gonna go with “Nirvanna” but I do see the necessity of gathering at least once a week and going over the things we all need to share. Just like meetings throughout the ages, this one has all the key players.

The S1 (admin) starts things off with the legal report which is a jolly little stroll down the backstreets of Hammerville. What a horrible part of the job but a necessary one. Just depressing.

The S1 then goes to the other extreme and we go over pending awards. This Jekyll and Hyde routine is also the first opportunity for the CO to turn to us, the Company Commanders, and say “What the %$#%#$?” I learned fast that I need to have the status of these subjects at the ready lest I get “The Look” and that ain’t the Roxette version.

Next, the S3 (training/planning) gets his shot and we get to hear about all the upcoming taskers. Here is where I need to be scribbling madly on the calendar they hand out to us because it’s the main place we get to see into the future at what we need to get accomplished. Or put off to the last minute when it turns into the famous “short fuse” tasker which is everyone’s favorite.

The S4 (logistics) is next and she gives us an update on stuff like dental/medical readiness and fundraising. The medical and dental numbers are broken down by Company so we have this little rivalry that goes on. The math is a bit sketchy of how they come up with the different percentages but the bottom line comes down to the bottom line: did we beat Service Company? We normally do and if he says otherwise, he’s a filthy liar. (my blog, my version!)

We then get updates from the Career Planner on how many people reenlisted, lat-moved, and are getting out. This normally raises some interesting discussion and brings on “The Look” again if the Colonel doesn’t like what he hears.

The Chaplain gets the floor next and he rarely gets “The Look.” Come on, it Chappy.

Focus then turns to the Sergeant Major who passes word he got from the senior enlisted meetings that have already happened. He leaves out the part where they discuss how the junior Officers such as myself can’t find our asses with both hands, a chart, and a compass. That’s just understood by all.

The XO pipes in and normally has a very organized presentation of information delivered in bullet style. He doesn’t write my fitness report so I feel good about saying this without ulterior motive: I try to deliver my information as smoothly and concise as he tends to achieve. OK, that does sound a bit smackish but he is very good at this XO stuff. He reminds me a lot of Sir Phil.

After the XO, we Company Commanders get our turn but since there is a post-meeting meeting with just the CO, XO, Sergeant Major, and us, my information for the crowd is kept to a minimum. By then, there are many pleading eyes to be set free. Of course my fellow Company Commander is not as thoughtful and usually spouts off long diatribes of crap only Service Company cares about and thus makes everyone at the table, to include me, wonder about his ability to discern unwritten rules such as thou shall not pontificate uselessness to the multitudes.

Sticks, if you are reading this, yeah, that one was for you.

The CO finishes up this meeting by relaying his thoughts and wishes (A.K.A. marching orders) but normally this doesn’t take very long since he has interjected his thoughts when the others had the floor.

The main meeting breaks up and we all rush to the head to reduce our bladders which have expanded to epic proportions. When we return, we break out brandy sniffers, cigars and pipes, and discuss how great we all are and how the Battalion is our playtoy to make dance for entertainment. Then we discuss how we can make the lives of every Marine in the Company an utter and complete banishment to the 7th Ring of Hell.

OK, well, I know that’s what they think we do so I thought I’d write it.

It reality, we discuss the more sensitive issues that not everyone needs to be in on. This is normally the more in-depth details of the legal report and some upcoming issues best reserved for discretion. Sometimes Battalion business is like hotdogs and the political process: you don’t really want to see how they are made.

When we are done with the business, we rush back to our Companies where, of course, the world has blown up. It’s not that the First Sergeant isn’t taking care of business in my absence, it’s just the opposite: she IS taking care of business and that business normally is sitting on my desk much like a very large bear had decided my desk was the best place to pop a squat.

The meetings normally go every Tuesday at 1330 so by the time we get back, we have just enough time to see the issues that have popped up in 2 hours and not enough time to do a lot about them before people around the base start meandering (bolting) at the sound of the liberty call.

So what ends up happening is that I have a post-meeting with the First Sergeant to basically refill the void left from her taking care of business in my absence.

“Thanks for the steamers, First Sergeant and now here are some back that came out of the meetings. Enjoy”

Free Advice for Today: “Buy your fiance the nicest diamond engagement ring you can afford.”