Quote of the Day: “Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.’ And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.”
- Ronald Reagan
I should be resting.
Not only should I be recovering from last weekend but resting up for next weekend’s marathon.
But I’m not.
I’m working like a demon, driving into work in the dark and coming home in the same way.
All day, full throttle, first one in, last one out.
I feel like I’m revisiting the 18 months I spent at First Tank Battalion, but I was much younger then. For years after I looked back and wondered how I kept up that blistering pace for so long and now I find myself back in the middle of it.
The pressure is self-applied and I know this. I get home pretty much a wadded up piece of paper with nothing left for the family, the blog, the webpage. I am a zombie, only able to eat, watch a TiVo’ed Daily Show, and maybe get some screen time before trying to read a couple of pages and crashing. I don’t know the last time I WENT to sleep rather than just faint dead away so that the next thing I know the alarm is yelling at me to get up again.
The guilt is stifling. I justify the lack of quality time with the family as just a phase, a short period of time while these races of opportunity pop up. But I know it has become routine and I really need to get better at balancing. I’m told over and over again by myself and everyone around me that I only have a few years left with the kids and then it will be the Cat in the Cradle situation.
I am also feeling pressure to keep the blog updated which, don’t get me wrong, I not only WANT to do but really NEED to do. The guilt oozes into my head and I know I won’t be 100% right with myself unless I can get caught up.
The webpage also throws its own pressure in there. Not only does it now compete with my insane schedule, my running, and my blogging, the sheer quantity of stuff I want to post has backed up to intimidating proportions.
I signed up to build a reunion webpage for my 20th high school reunion. I got pretty far and then I stagnated on it. It’s one more thing that gives me immense pleasure but I get behind in when it gets lost in the crowd.
I also agreed to do the same thing for my wife (she went to a different high school) and I have the same problem. But I can’t half-step on this much longer because the reunions are coming up and I don’t want to face these people without completing the project.
I won’t give up though. I won’t cut my losses, I will catch up. I will find a way to balance my life after catching up and I will be able to do the impossible.
I can see by the look in your eye you don’t believe me. That’s kind of why I don’t have a mirror nearby or a webcam; I’m not quite ready to check out my own eyes at this point lest I see the same look.
Vent complete. Thanks for listening.
Free Advice for Today: “Instead of using the word ‘problem,’ try substituting the word ‘opportunity’.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.