How Did I Get Here?

Saturday

We got free tickets to see a movie and since I had family in town, I thought I would be the hero and take them to see “Are We Done Yet?”

It didn’t take long before I was asking the same thing.

We got to the mall and what I discovered were two things I didn’t know:

1. We would be the only white people at the show which caused us to be stopped at the entrance to get a publicity shot.

2. The free screening was sponsored by a Christian radio station.

Neither of these facts mattered except that we all prayed before the show started which was probably a first EVER in something as public as a movie screening.

To me, the movie wasn’t all that great and the fact I never saw the first one probably didn’t have much of a effect on my opinion. But hey, free.

The show was at an outside mall so we took advantage of this fact to walk around after the movie. Let me rephrase that, my sister-in-law Kristine took advantage of this fact and her and Carrie floated off immediately after we exited the theater.

Scott and Kris are from Seattle so such a beautiful outdoor mall in sunny southern California was a huge treat and Kris’s shopping chromosome was glowing.

Scott, Alex, and I soon exhausted all the gadget stores and found ourselves staring at our feet at an outside bench within a half hour.

I did get it in my mind that I needed to research the T-Mobile smartphone options for email. I was originally looking at the Sidekick but then I took a long hard look at the Dash. I just liked everything about it. Maybe I could even keep up with my email. Now THERE’S a concept!!!

But Carrie soon put the kibosh on the whole concept. I even tried to get the kids involved, reminding them that if I got a new phone, my RAZR would flow down the chain of command. But it was not to be. Something about finances or something or other.

When we finally pried the ladies away from the gravity-sinkhole that is the mall, we decided that going right to Seaport Village which was nearby wouldn’t waste near enough gas or time so we drove all the way back to Miramar to get gas and then decided to go back to the Village. Don’t ask.

I had run by this place awhile back on a Saturday morning run but had never been here as a tourist. I had heard it was the place to go so I thought this would be a great opportunity to see it.

Once we got the parking fun over with (akin to a proctology exam by Edward Scissorhands), we were privy to “cute little shops” as the ladies put it. Translation for me and the other fellas: boring, overpriced shit.

We walked along the boardwalk and gandered at the freak show. Yes, there were normal people and tourists like ourselves but there was also the collection of sun-baked bums, malcontents, sk8ters, and just drunk old idiots.

Case in point was in the main town square where they had a live Mexican band.

Have you ever heard the advice “Dance like no one’s watching?”

Yeah, do that when no one’s watching.

Because if you are old, like no-calcium-left old, and you get out there in public and dance your wooden-nickel maker, you are going to horrify all who can sooner avert their eyes to a car wreck than take their watering eyes from you making a total jackass of yourself.

And before you assume that it was a cute little man, it wasn’t. It was this guy who, you could tell, was absolutely convinced he was a stunning example of manhood that everyone could only hope to equal in virility and God-sent machismo.

And who was he wooing? It looked like the cast of the Golden Girls. In a couple decades.

And they were no innocent flowers succumbing to Don Juan’s obvious charms. They too were out there doing moves they had no business subjecting the general public to. It was like watching Cocoon V: The Wrinkling.

We had lunch which, if I recall correctly, cost me about $1600 dollars, while trying to ignore Father Time-To-Stop-Drinking-And-Sit-The-Fuck-Down and his harem of Efferdent-reeking Titanic survivors.

One other thing: Kristine wants to move here to San Diego. After being here a couple of days, she is convinced that Scott should find a job here and they should come live here near us for at least a couple years until we can all move back up to Seattle together.

That way they can put up with my crap all the time. We must have had them in the sun a little too long.

Free Advice for Today: “When you really like someone, tell them. Sometimes you only get one chance.”

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 31st, 2007 at 12:19 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.