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Transform It Into A Better Flick

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007


Quote of the Day: “In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.”

- Sir Francis Bacon

Tonight I went to the movies with my brother-in-law and son to see The Transformers.

I was not into the Transformers as a kid. In fact, I knew nothing about them except that they were some kind of cartoon that I didn’t watch. I think it was that time when I was too old for those kind of cartoons so I didn’t know the different characters.

This made me feel like I was missing out somehow because it seemed that these were familiar characters to everyone but me and when they came onscreen, people seemed to enjoy how they had updated their favorite Transformers using modern day CGI.

I have to admit, the special effects were amazing. No longer do they hide particularly intricate special effects with shadows and convenient angles that hide detail. When these things changed over, it was like you were up close and in full light.

But that created a problem.. It was TOO much detail. I got dizzy trying to process the details I was being seen and on a large screen, my head was swiveling to see different parts that were, well, transforming.

And then it started to get old when they would show scene after scene after scene of this intricate transformation with insane detail. I haven’t seen this much overkill in the special effects department since the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

There was plenty for the kids to see and there was also a little something for the dads in the audience. The story called for a supporting character that was beautiful. So as good as they were in the special effects department to go overboard with that aspect of the film, they found this actress that made all the men in the audience eyes bug out.

Whoever this actress is, they made her look pretty appealing. Maybe it had something to do with a close-up of her bare belly and working the camera slowly toward her soft-lit face but I will announce that she was distractingly pretty in just about every scene.

But not enough to carry the movie. It was, I don’t know, about 4 days long.

Ooh, let me guess, they are going to TRANSFORM! Hey, I know, why don’t they get a close up and show an amount of detail that I can’t possibly take in completely. Can you also crank the volume up so we hear every little servo whizzing for like 4 minutes at a stretch?


Then they got to the comical deep voices that sounded like some kid learning how to manipulate Soundforge for the first time.

This was coupled with very cheesy morality themes and in the end left me looking at my watch several times.

But Alex liked it so at least the boy got something out of it. When I was his age, Pete’s Dragon was the height of special effects.

Free Advice for Today: “When traveling the backroads, stop whenever you see a sign that reads ‘Honey For Sale.’”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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