How Did I Get Here?

Monday

Today, my intrepid readers, is my brother’s birthday.

For those of you who care, he is 41 today which puts him in his 2nd year of his 40s while I linger back here in the 30s range, albeit my last year.

Here is the birthday card I sent him.

It sat on my desk for a few days until I could no longer stomach it looking up at me. Disturbing to say the least.

If you want a general concept of how most people who know us or knew us growing up perceive my brother and me, just watch an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

I’m Raymond.

Just to cover the wavetops, here are some stats on my brother:

Name: Chris
Name he hates: Chris-Cross Applesauce
Height: 6’2”
Height he’ll claim: 6’3”
Sexual preference: gay as Liberace (just kidding)
Relationship: He’s my only brother
Location: Seattle
Marital Status: single, never divorced
Kids: None (that he knows of)
Pets: Gay dog named Sam
Job: works for a crane company setting up plans, operations, and owns his own plans business
Former jobs: McD’s (YES!), daycare janitor, HP, ice cream loader, delivered/set up cones and signs for road construction, Bulk fuel specialist, truck driver
Military experience: 4 years in the Army (or was it 5?)
Interests: sports
Most Disgusting Thing He Regularly Made/Ate When We Were Kids: syrup sandwiches. (No caveat here, people. It’s just what it says. Syrup between two slices of bread. *bleack!*)
Cartoon Character He Most Acted Like as a Kid: Yosemite Sam (Me? Mobley from Jungle Book)

Happy birthday, Brother.

Free Advice for Today: “Never answer a reporter’s question with ‘No comment.’ Instead, say ‘I don’t have enough information to comment on that right now.’”