Quote of the Day: “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.”
- Langston Coleman
I got a pretty good racket going here.
Every Wednesday, we invite friends and family over to watch TV.
OK, ONE friend and ONE family.
But we are consistent and it’s like a standing date every week. It all started with bringing people over for American Idol and the one friend, Paola…
… started coming and bringing her schizoid dog, Kuku over. Yes, the famed Kuku who beshat my trampoline last Thanksgiving.
Anyway, they are a weekly guest and as Paola walks through the garage door every week, I hand HER a cold Coors Light in a bottle and KUKU a hard kick to the side of the head. Just one more thing to look forward to every week.
A few months back, my cousin moved into town to go to college so we started inviting him. He’s been pretty consistent and since he is only 19, he gets handed a Gatorade.
He has no schizoid dog so there is no story there.
What happened tonight needed to happen for a long time. You see, Kuku is a Sheba Inu which means he is:
That last one is evidenced because he will pick fights he cannot possibly win.
Now it’s my contention that until he gets his little ass handed to him, he will continue in this behavior.
Paola, on the other hand, chooses to protect him from his own idiocy and will break up any fights and then cuddle him, reinforcing the bad behavior.
Now, you all know my dog Buster. Despite him being half pit bull and half Rhodesian Ridgeback, he is as vicious as a goldfish. Unless you are a cat, you will never be harmed by this beast. He is usually very friendly submissive to any other dog he comes across.
To a point.
They get along and as a testament to Buster, Kuku has shown amazing self-control by interacting with Buster. Every once in awhile, Kuku will pick a fight and Buster will put up with it to a point until, oh yeah, it’s showtime (especially over rawhide bones) but Paola will break it up before they establish their dominance like THEY NEED TO or this will just continue.
Paola thinks Buster will kill Kuku. I don’t think that would happen but I think Kuku would learn a little lesson in ass-handiness from Buster that would forestall future conflicts.
So tonight I’m sitting on the couch and Buster is on the chase (yes, he gets the chase) gnawing on a rawhide bone. The ladies are in the kitchen and Kuku comes inching up to Buster, just under my feet. He spies the rawhide bone and inches closer.
Buster lets out a warning growl that says “Look, bitch, don’t even THINK about it.”
Kuku, being the retard that he is, chooses to ignore this and starts inching closer, baring his teeth.
Buster gives another warning (which I thought was admirable of him) but Kuku continues his aggression by inching forward.
Here is where I get involved, much to the dismay of the ladies later.
I couldn’t help it. Tensions were high and each was on a hair-triggger. It was just too god to pass up.
I slyly pull my foot up and nudge Kuku in the hamstrings while making a loud “SSSSST!” sound.
Kuku lunges forward toward Buster to get away from my nudge and Buster interprets this as an attack. Buster opens his huge dog mouth and bears some intimidating looking teeth while letting out a roar that sounded amazingly like Simba on the top of Pride Rock.
Kuku goes forth with the attack proving he is utterly retarded.
In a flash, I have two very irate dogs in my feet-space discussing the politics of the day at a very high volume. I pull up my legs and let them make their various points.
Carrie and Paola come running in and Kuku is backing up, finally realizing his ass is about to get served sunny-side-kicked but he is still making a show of his toughness.
Buster has broken open the second case of whoop-ass and was busy opening each can therein with Kuku’s boy-parts.
The ladies get them apart and I don’t immediately admit my involvement in the festivities. That was saved until later when I told Carrie and then she goes and tells Paola.
Anyway, it needed to be done and hopefully Kuku will learn once and for all that Buster can eat his lunch any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
But something tells me that Kuku is too stupid to realize nor remember this.
Free Advice for Today: “Never buy a piece of jewelry that costs more than $100 without doing a little haggling.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.