Quote of the Day: “In a mad world only the mad are sane.”
- Akira Kurosawa
(Oops, this might not be the men’s team.. my bad.)
I have never, and I mean NEVER, sat through an entire hockey game.
Oh, sure, I took my girlfriend-now-wife to a game when we were first dating but I got so drunk I don’t remember much from it except all the vomiting I accomplished.
But back to my point, I have never been into the hockey thing. Not even Olympic hockey but I succumbed to the hype and joined my brother in his new place to watch the biggest hockey game in the history of the Universe, in HD of course.
It felt like a real event. I don’t mean to insult you hardcore hockey freaks but you have to understand, I have never treated ANY hockey game like a Super Bowl event. But today had that flavor and I sat and watched all the pre-game hype, had read up on the big match online, and was ready for action by the time the first puck was dropped.
This had all the makings of a Hollywood movie.
You had the Americans beating the Canadians early on which, in itself, caused a ripple in the time-space continuum.
Then the Canadian beat the horse piss out of 3 other teams (7-3, really?) in the “losers” bracket to get to the finals against, guess who, the American team that symbolically had their way with their women by beating them the first time.
I am a true bleeding-heart American but I have to admit, we are not a hockey powerhouse. In fact, hockey is barely a sport here (I know, heresy around the world but I’m a damn American, what are you gonna do?)
If we win, it’s like “Oh, yeah, hockey? Well, um, great, good job. Another medal. Cool. Now, are they gonna show those sexy skiing chicks again?”
Whereas in Canada, it’s like Gladiator, live or die. Not ONLY have Canadians intertwined their very worth with the performance of their hockey team but they are hosting the damn games. NOT winning is NOT an option.
In fact, I’m pretty sure they would trade all their medals in every Olympic sport (summer AND winter) for the gold in hockey. They simply expect, nay DEMAND to win the hockey gold.
While we Americans would give a combined “Meh” to the Olympic hockey gold, a loss for the Canadians would require mass suicide on a country-wide level.
And because we are pretty much dicks here in America, the only reason it would mean anything more than “OK, whatever” to us would just to see the Canadians remove their combined genitalia with rusty garden shears in the face of a Olympic hockey loss.
So that’s the set up. We beat them early on and they bitch-slapped every country to get back to the top where we knew we would see them again.
And they were pissed.
If we beat them, they would surely commit hari-kari and we would laugh and say “Hey, you are getting blood all over the ice, come on…”
It was just too good to be true. We had the Miracle On Ice years ago against the Ruskies but this might have been even more dramatic. With the Canadians still stinging from a loss and the fact they were hosting the games, a loss the those bastard American jackholes would just be too much to bear.
I would like to say that the fairy tale ended with the Americans castrating the Canadians but this was not to be.
It would be like the Canadians putting together a football or basketball team, coming down, and beating our professional teams. It just doesn’t happen.
And neither did it today. I mean, congratulations and all but I don’t know how much you can celebrate, Canada. Hockey is just about ALL you do in the world of sports and is it really such a big deal that you win at the one sport that you funnel all of your athletic talent into? Into a sport we Americans is just think of as, “meh”?
Are you celebrating that you won or are you celebrating NOT GETTING BEAT by a country who barely holds the sport up as a legitimate sport at all?
You are good at hockey. Cool. Congrats. We didn’t want to hear the whining at the closing ceremonies if you lost at your capstone event anyway.
(I want to apologize to Sarah McLachlan for the above rant. Please forgive me, Sarah.)
Free Advice for Today: “Don’t obligate yourself to a home mortgage larger than three times your family’s annual income.”
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.